Showing posts from June, 2013

Compiled Pit Trap Surprise Table Entries

2014-02-21: PDF available! Rended Press Community Project - 2d24 Pit Trap Table Here is an extremely rough compilation the entries for the Random Pit Trap Surprise Table contest . I added a few more at the end to round it out to 47 total entries so that you can roll 2d24 on it. I'll clean it up in the next couple of days and have a nice PDF for download at some point. 2d24 Table of Pit Trap Surprises 2    Pit lined with 1d24 vampire vines. 3    Dessicated corpse at bottom of pit is actually a naked mummy. 4    1d24 giant burrow worms. 5    Bottom of pit holds secret door to gelatinous cube nesting room. 6    1d24 fire beetle larvae. 7    1d20 rot grubs. 8    Rabid cave bear cub. 9    Landing in bottom of trap triggers release of 1d20 X 100 flesh eating ants after 1d3 rounds. 10    Secret locked false door in side of pit trap triggers release of poisonous gas upon unlocking. 11    Not a pit trap, but the open mouth of a giant, aged, toothless purple worm.

Pit Trap Surprise Table Paperback Winner!

We had 30 entries in the comment section for the Random Pit Trap Surprise Table . There were actually 33 comments, but two of those were mine and one was deleted by its author. So, cranking up the random number picker . . . and Comment #14 was the winner! fadedearth said... Pit trap reverses gravity for the first PC to fall in. 1d6 damage at the bottom of the pit plus 2d6 when you hit the ceiling. Spend next 1D6 turns walking on ceiling, knocking allies helmets off with your spear, rappelling down the up staircase, and so forth. fadedearth , hit me up with your email address at mwschmeer AT gmail DOT com so I can get this paperback in the mail to you! You have until Friday, June 28th, to claim your prize; otherwise, I'll have to pick another winner. Thanks for playing, folks. I'll compile all the entries into a single post & file for download soon.

Last Day to Enter The Random Pit Trap Surprise Table Contest

The deadline for the Random Pit Trap Surprise Table Contest entries is tonight at 11:59 pm!

All the Heavy Metal Magazine Covers

Just what the post title says.

A Few Words About The Man of Steel

Superman doesn't kill, just like America doesn't torture. Superman stands for truth, justice, and the American way. But the American way is no longer about truth, no longer about justice. The American way is now security at any cost. Any. Cost. Even if that cost is a perversion of what we say we hold dear as a country united only by the promise of a common creed: that we are, in Lincoln's words, "a government of the people, by the people, for the people." Snyder has given us the Superman we've become, not the Superman we need. You want your Superman back? Earn him back. ( cross-posted from my Tumblr )

Tuesday Morning Random Spew

First: Don't forget the Random Pit Trap Surprise Table Contest! Second: Props to Zach for dropping by my office to let me fondle his copy of Better than Any Man that he scored on Free RPG Day. This is one sweet adventure and I wish I had been able to score a copy for myself. While I'm not a fan of gory gaming (splatterpunk, slasher horror, and full-on visual gore are not my thing), I recognize that Raggi is doing what all creative types should do: push limits in order to make us think and feel beyond the ordinary comforts of our lives. Example: In " Queen of the Black Coast ," Robert E. Howard writes: . . . There was a confusion of movement, a writhing and melting of lights and shadows, against a background of black jungle, green stone ruins and murky river. Black men came up the river in long boats with skulls grinning on the prows, or stole stooping through the trees, spear in hand. They fled screaming through the dark from red eyes and slavering fangs

Underworld Lore: Purple Pig

Underworld Lore - Purple Pig (for Gorgonmilk!) No. Enc.:  1d6 (1d6) Alignment: Neutral Movement: 150' (50') Armor Class: 7 Hit Dice: 4 Attacks: 1 (tusk) Damage: 2d4 + 1 Save: F2 Morale: 9 Hoard Class: None XP: 100 Purple pigs have been part of the underworld ecosystem for only a few hundred years and are the descendants of normal pigs that were trapped in a large cavern complex after having been trapped in a rockslide during the Hellands Upheaval of 302.  These porcines have developed into sightless, pale lavender beasts that rely on their superior sense of smell to navigate their underworld habitats. In fact, these pigs have the uncanny ability to ALWAYS choose the shortest and least dangerous (for them) route through a cavern complex despite being 100% blind.  However, due to their superior sense of smell, they gain a +1 for attacks. No one knows why they have developed their particular color; some underground adventurers have noted that in caverns where

Monday Mail Call: 6 Iron Spikes and a Small Hammer.

Look what arrived in the mail on Saturday! How much for ze leetel kobold? Ze leetel zcrawnee one? This 16-page zine is chock full of useful stuff to run a a game or campaign around H.G. Wells's The Island of Dr. Moreau --you know, the book with the mad doctor stitching together/breeding weird human/animal hybrids. As far as content, you get a not-actually-accurate synopsis of the book with some twists thrown in for gaming (best line: "The latter are catchy and end up enshrined in a popular track by the band, DEVO"), a small hand-drawn map (which could be better labeled; the locations are hard to discern from the terrain), a brief non-stated NPC section, a whole shit-ton of adventure seed ideas, and a nice wandering encounters table. But the best is certainly saved for last, the Beast Folk Generator. I always picture the monsters on Moreau's island as looking something like Ferret and Bruno after their transformations in 1981's Swamp Thing movie rather

Help Me Finish A Random Table & Maybe Win This Old Paperback

I'm stuck on this table thing. I started off trying to create a d24 table (just because) and I've come up with a number of entries. And then my mind drew a blank. Help me finish it. Obviously, we can go beyond 24 entries. I'll use this random number picker to select one commenter to receive this book: Includes the original sales receipt from 1977! Leave ONE entry per comment; you may leave multiple comments, but comments containing more than one table entry will be disqualified from the drawing. Entries must be received by 11:59 pm CST on June 22. I will ship this book anywhere in the world, although it might take awhile for it to get to you if you live outside the U.S. Okay, here it goes: 1d?? Table of Pit Trap Surprises 1. Pit lined with 1d24 vampire vines. 2. Dessicated corpse at bottom of pit is actually a naked mummy. 3. 1d24 giant burrow worms. 4. Bottom of pit holds secret door to gelatinous cube nesting room. 5. 1d24 fire beetle larvae. 6. 1d20 rot

d12 Table: What's Tattooed on the Dead Orc?

d12 Table: What's Tattooed on the Dead Orc? Recipe for delicious fungus-based pale ale. Upside down & backwards map of mad wizard's lair. Portrait of one of the PCs as they appeared in their pre-teen youth. A curse written in orcish; when read aloud, it prevents the reader from successfully hitting any target with any weapon for 1d4 days (does not affect sentient weapons or spell-based attacks). Caricature of a frog idol and inner-lip tattoo of a six-winged housefly. Six half-orc names; five of the names are crossed out. Part of a map of a secret route through the current adventure location; a small notation written in magical hieroglyphics at the bottom of the map notes that other parts of the map are tattooed on a kobold, a gnoll, and a hobgoblin. Facial tattoo boldly declaring "I WIL FECK U UPP UR ARS." Hereditary tribal designs revealing orc is a bastard son of a bastard son of a bastard king and thus entitled to the full rites and ceremonial burial a

A Retro-clone I Didn't Know About Until 5 Minutes Ago.

Apparently this has been around since 2010 and is still in an "open beta" stage and yet I just stumbled across it this morning. How could I have missed it? Lost Empires is a Sword & Wizardry variant, with lots of gorgeous artwork and fancy schmancy page design. I like the look and feel of it, but I don't have time to dig into the content of it and see how much it varies from the Swords & Wizardry rules. It seems to have been closely meshed with a specific setting, too. You should definitely check it out, though.

A Thursday Bookface

Simon Forster is an excellent chap. He mailed me a series of hand-drawn maps from across the pond. Thanks, Simon! Fancy envelope art! Bonus map! City of Rowandale, built around what I can only assume to be Rowenmere . . . Ferry Hill! Right smack in the middle of Rowenmere behind The Quail & Lake Tavern. Also: my new digs. I have a fabulous view of student parking.

d24 Table: What Came Through the Portal?

d24 Table: What Came Through the Portal? 1. USB flash drive containing complete technical details of an advanced, moon-sized battle station with an exhaust vent vulnerability. 2. A red umbrella. 3. A Swingline™ stapler and 1,000 staples, sealed in a plastic blister pack. 4. A glass dip pen. 5. Tube of antibiotic ointment. 6. Pad of 3M Sticky Notes™. 7. Sack of golden russet potatoes. 8. 2 Epson ink jet color ink cartridges. 9. A clear plastic 12-inch ruler decorated with cartoon anime characters. 10. A Leatherman Multi-Tool. 11. Pair of garden shears. 12. Box of jumbo paperclips. 13. Box of tacks. 14. 6 empty plastic milk crates. 15. Pad of legal-size paper. 16. Coal shovel. 17. Astronaut-themed sun visor. 18. Pair of cushioned arch support shoe inserts. 19. Bottle of multivitamins with childproof cap. 20. Package of cocoa mix. 21. Stainless steel egg beater. 22. 1d24 fast food ketchup packets. 23. 1d24 x 10 yards of fine nylon mesh, suitable for screen doors. 24. 1d24 bunches of fresh

d8 Table: What's in the Dragon's Gizzard?

d8 Table: What's in the Dragon's Gizzard? 1. 1d100 fist-sized diamonds, used to grind meals to bits. 2. An antique ear trumpet. 3. 1d10 jugs spiced rum. 4. 1d10 recently swallowed halfling skulls. 1 in 10 chance party recognizes one of them. 5. Golden spear, bent beyond usability, engraved with mark of a long-dead paladin. Worth 500gp. 6. Small cask of high-quality ale (Roll on Gorgonmilk d20 Weird Drafts table ). 7. Bones of 1d10 sheep. 8. A tin whistle. Within 1d10 rounds of blowing the whistle, a troop of Xvarts arrive demanding its return.

d10 Table: What's Blocking the Tunnel?

d10 Table: What's Blocking the Tunnel? 1. Bloated, decaying corpse of giant purple worm with 1d8 giant rats gnawing through the corpse. 2. 1d8 dead Xvarts. 3. Melting gelatinous cube. 4. Roof collapse; support beams show signs of damage by magical fire. 5. 1d8 tons of humanoid fecal matter. 6. Large boulder held in place by several cross beams spiked into tunnel walls. 7. 1d8 x 1,000 freshly molted snake skins. 8. Tunnel not truly blocked; it's only an illusion. 9. Tourist information booth manned by 1d8 rock gnomes eager to please. 10. Toll booth with 2gp fee. Phantom toll booth operator will mercilessly hound toll skippers at inopportune moments for 1d8 days or until toll is paid.

Salts of Despair

Salts of Despair (Rare) Alignment : Neutral XP : 1,025 Like the Seeds of Sowing , the secret knowledge of creating the Salts of Despair is guarded by the chief priests of the Cult of Audrum , as the salts are a rare and dangerous concoction. The salts themselves appear to be thumbnail-sized, multi-colored crystals of sea salt. If dissolved in water at a 2:1 ratio, the salts have the power to immediately destroy any plant or plant-based creature’s root system the solution is poured upon as if by an acid attack (no save). This solution will also render the ground into which it is poured forever devoid of plant life. It is rumored that the Desert of Ka’rat was formed in just this manner. The salts are generally produced in small batches of under eight ounces, but have not been produced for over 300 years. Should a creature be so inclined to digest a salt crystal or drink the dissolved solution, they will suffer 6d20 acidic damage to their digestive tract and permanently lose the ability

Seeds of Sowing

Seeds of Sowing (Rare) Alignment : Neutral XP : 825 The exact recipe of the Seeds of Sowing is known only by the chief preists of the Cult of Audrum , and is a highly guarded secret. What is known is that the seeds appear to be a mix of special soils, nutrients, plant digestives, and other unknown ingredients packed into a shape roughly the size and weight of a chicken egg. When a normal plant seed is embedded into the Seed of Sowing and planted in temperate conditions, the plant that sprouts will be a sentient life form, capable of speech and thought and with 1000 times the life-cycle length of the normal plant of that type of seed. The resulting plant is incapable of reproduction and any fruit borne by the plant will be seedless. It is rumored that the Murmuring Forest of Nerm was the result of a clumsy cultist spilling a large collection of such seeds. There are no more than 1d4 seeds found at any time. Eating the Seeds of Sowing is not advised, but has no effect beyond a severe st

Audrum, Petty God of Carnivorous Plants

Name : Audrum, Petty God of Carnivorous Plants Symbol : A venus flytrap wrapped in a vampire vine Alignment : Neutral Movement : NA Armor Class : -4 Hit Points (Hit Dice) :  81 (13HD +3) Attacks : 3 Damage : 1d12 crush + 1d20 acid +1d20 acid Save : F12 Morale : 12 Hoard Class : XXII XP : 12,500 Audrum is a giant, sentient pitcher plant who reigns over carnivorous plants. His gigantic, bulbous frame is attended by a host of an unnamable insectoid race descended from the offspring of alien Mi-Go vistors  and dwarf neanderthals. The insectoids swab his putrid girth in their acidic saliva to protect it from rot, and Audrum allows the insectoids to crawl within his fetid orifices to feed on the rotting sacrifices held within his seventeen-chambered digestion system. Worshiped by sentient venus flytraps, vampire vines, razor grasses, pitcher plants and other flesh-eating plant life, he is also well regarded by those creatures whose life force are tied to the Green—including dr

Tallemaja, Queen of Huldras and Lamias

Name : Tallemaja, Queen of Huldras and Lamias Symbol : A bark-scaled snake with a cow's head. Alignment : Lawful Movement : 60' (30') Armor Class : –2 Hit Points (Hit Dice) : 54 (15 HD + 3) Attacks : 2 / 2 (see below) Damage : 1d8 spear & 1d12 crush / 1d8 + Special Save : F12 Morale : 10 Hoard Class :  XVII (in lair only) XP : 7,500 Tallemaja Bettencourt was a lady in waiting in the entourage of the Empress of Cerise. Her beauty caught the eye of Pherosathoola, Petty Goddess of Sexual Fear , who fell in love with the lass. Under the guise of night, Pherosathoola seduced Tallemaja with promises of ascendency and the immortality of petty godhood, a promise that was not hers to give. After several years of this affair, Tallemaja finally demanded her reward. Pherosathoola, unable to grant the boons she promised, released Tallemaja from her thrall. Enamored with the thoughts of achieving godhood, Tallemaja plotted to attain such at any cost. She fell in with the powerful Lor

The Eldoon Namar

The Eldoon Namar (Unique) Alignment : Chaotic Lawful XP Value : 8,000 Created centuries ago by Ur-mu "the Bastard" Ab'rkada , once a necromancer of world renown and now a powerful ageless lich hidden from the world, the Eldoon Namar is a mask of great and dangerous power. The mask itself is a thin, flesh-colored stocking of tightly-woven, magically-created synthetic mesh that adheres tightly to the face and neck when worn. The material is highly porous—the wearer may breathe, talk, eat, and drink normally while wearing the mask—yet the mask completely obscures the wearer's facial features. When worn, the mask transforms the wearer into another person (human, demi-human, or humanoid) of the wearer's choosing; the wearer must have an object recently handled by the person whose appearance he wishes to assume and must meditate on this transformation for 1 hour.  The new body must be of a person with a number of HD equal to the wearer or fewer. The wearer retains

Lord Greensayne, an aspect of the Jale God

Name : Lord Greensayne, an aspect of the Jale God Symbol : A blood-filled moneybag Alignment : Lawful Movement : 60' (30') Armor Class : -3 Hit Points (Hit Dice) : 55 (9 HD) Attacks : 2 Damage : 1d6+2 OR 1d6+2 or +4 (see below)/1d4+2 Save : C12 Morale : 6 Hoard Class :  VII XP : 5,600 Not a petty god in his own right and ostensibly the fifth son of a fifth son of a seventh son of a seventh son, Lord Filchard Pettybane Humbert Albin Adolphus Greensayne is regarded as a generous albeit minor noble in the court of the Cerisian Empire, where he serves as an economic advisor to the Emperor. Knowledgeable in all trade goods that move through the empire, he has made a name for himself by exposing complicated import/export tax evasion schemes of rich merchants, middling nobles, and other enemies of the court; thus, he has many enemies seeking his demise. No one has ever discovered Greensayne's network of spies and stoolies and so no one knows exactly how Greensayne come