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Showing posts from 2011

Happy d20 Day!

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Happy d20 Day!

Iron Chef Contest Update

Mike over at Sword & Dorkey has made an announcement in the Iron Chef Contest: It's a four-way tie!

You can read more at his post, and you can download my entry here:

Everyone's Grumpy Under That Hill . . . And a River Runs Through It

Old School Heretic's Inside the Tome

I'm a Winner!

. . . of NaNoWriMo, that is.

Using a random string generator called JanusNode, I clobbered together a 52,185 word opus that makes no sense whatsoever. In fact, it isn't really a "novel" at all. But it's a book. A strange book, divided into sections based on The Hero's Journey. But it's designed to be nothing more than language without meaning. Think of it as words vomited on a page.

In fact, before downloading, make a Save vs. Insanity.

Seriously. Don't even download this if you are thinking that things need to make sense.

Gosh it feels good to be a Winner. But I'd rather be an Achiever.

Conversurrealizations.PDF

Attention Folks Who Use the Google "Friend Connect" Widget

I just read that Google is shutting down several of its non-core services, and one of those is Friend Connect -- the little "Join this Site" widget that many of us use to keep track of RPG/OSR blogs. It seems Google is trying to funnel even more users to Google+. I'm not going to be one of them. When Google kills Friend Connect, I'll follow your blog via good old RSS--even though Google made Google Reader as ugly as hell, too.

Update to The Goblin Market PDF

I've tweaked some punctuation, spelling, and formatting errors in The Goblin Market pdf. The file is at the same link:

The Goblin Market PDF





Old School Heretic's Motivational Dysfunctions

Looks like today is a 2-fer!

Here is another PDF, this time from Old School Heretic:

Old School Heretic's Motivational Dysfunctions



The Goblin Market

Back in August, Greg over at Gorgonmilk sponsored another community project that quickly spiraled into realms of fantastic weirdness: Stuff You Might Find at the Goblin Market.

This soon became a series of three treasure tables. Herewith, in handy PDF format, is the result of those posts:

The Goblin Market



Iron Chef Adventure Challenge!

The gauntlet was thrown by Mike Monaco over at Swords & Dorkery: design an encounter/adventure/scenario using at least half of the cards in a pack of TSR 1992 AD&D Collector Cards. He managed to round up some folks to contribute prizes, and Mike was even kind enough to mail contestants a pack of cards from his own stash at his own expense.

Once I opened the card pack and saw what I had to work with, I grabbed this map by Tim Hartin over at Paratime Design and got to work. Well, not really. I let the cards and map and preliminary notes sit on my desk for almost a month while I doodled out ideas on a notepad. And then this past Monday (which happened to be my 41st birthday), I decided to chuck all my brainstorming and pre-writing and mindless mulling and just start writing and see what happened.

In short, I pulled this out of my ass at the last minute.

So, what did Mike get from me for his $1.71 mailing costs?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

Everyone's Grumpy Under That Hil…

New Issue of Infinite Stars

A new issue of Infinite Stars, the Stars Without Numnbers fanzine, has been released. Go check it out!

Links Will Be Broken

In the coming weeks, links to many of the files I've linked to on Rended Press will be broken. I have been using my faculty web space to host many of these files, and the campus server is being retired in favor of a different web hosting platform. I've decided to move all the material I have had a hand in creating to my Dropbox account or Google Sites space for easier management.

In the meantime, if you try to download something from the Downloads page and can't, leave a comment on the Downloads page I'll send it out to you via email.

I'm a Loser, Baby . . .

Sully has lost.

Long live Sully!

Don't Be a Loser Like This Guy

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Don't be a loser like this guy.

VOTE SULLY!

Vote Sully!

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A Response to the Mudslinging from the Feltothraxis Camp

This fear-mongering by some Feltothraxis supporters must stop!

As true dungeon-dwellers know, all dungeon denizens are important and valued members of the underground economy.

In truth, Sully HAS consorted with Gelatinous Cubes and Rust Monsters--and he's damned proud to call these hard-working citizens of these fine catacombs employees, neighbors, and yes, even friends.

Let the record show that Caroline G. Cube is employed by Sully to clean his lair on a semi-annual basis, and if you check with The Mad Archmage's tax collector, you will find that all the proper paperwork and tax contributions are in order.

Sully is particularly pained that those in the Feltothraxis camp are playing the Rust Monster card. Sully's best friend since his hatchling days is a Rust Monster, although Sully reports that he goes to great lengths to visit Harold on neutral ground (usually in an underground temple of one of the Orcus cults) lest his own hoard be turned to rust.

Mister Feltothraxis, t…

Vote For Sully!

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Vote for Sully!

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Tenkar is running a "name my dragon puppet" contest.

Please head over and vote for Sully!

Gorgonmilk Goblin Market

The latest community project at Gorgonmilk is complete! Come visit The Goblin Market!

I'll be turning this into a PDF in the coming weeks.

IKEA Product Names as Character Names

The previous post demands a bit of explanation.Earlier this week I stumbled across this neat minimalist RPG called Dwarven Glory. One of the posts regarding character generation calls for names to be pulled at random from the IKEA catalog.After a bit of Googling, I discovered that some nice gent had scraped the IKEA website to create a CSV file containing all the product names and product descriptions posted on the IKEA website.The problem is that the CSV file twisted up the accented characters, had too many duplicates, and was typed in all caps. Ugh.So, I put my limited Excel skills to use, and produced a text file containing 1,451 unique product names.Use it as you see fit (right click and "Save Linked File As..." to download).

1,451 Names for Your Dwarf

AbsorbAdmeteAdmete RundÄdmjukÅdumAgamAgenAgnarydAgneAinaAkurumAkurum RationellAkutAlängAlarmAlexAlgAlkaliskAllamålaÄlmhultAlsedaAlsterAlsvikAlveAlvineAlvine PärlaAlvine TrådAmaliaAmmeräAmorf FrostÄmtenAndreaAndrea SatinAndrupAndyAnebodaÅnesAnitaÅnnAnnamoaAnno AmorfAnno InezAnno LjuvAnno SanelaAnno StråAnno TupplurAnno UnniAnno VackerAnnonsAnordna LyxAnordna MestAnrikAnslutaAntenAntifoniAntikAntilopAntoniusApaApelskärÄppelvinäger Med LingonÄppenÄpplaräÄresundArholmaÅrligArrakÅrstidArvArvinnÅrydÅseleAskerAspektAspelundAspvikÄsterbymoÅsundenAtlantÄtranAttestAttitydBådalenBagisBäjaBalserBälsnäsBärbarBarenBärjeBarnsligBarnslig RingdansBarometerBasiskBästisBatikBeataBeata BladBeata OrkideBeddingeBehandlaBehävdBekvämBennoBeritBerlevågBernhardBerta RandBerta RutaBertilBeryllBeskådaBeståBestå Ådal TvBestå Boås TvBestå BursBestå Burs TvBestå Framstå InredaBestå Jägra TvBestå TvBevaraBibbi SnurrBigarråBilarBildBillstaBillyBintjeBirgitBirgit LantligBirgit SpetsBirkelandBissaBitigBjärkefallBjärken…

Here's a Link for You. . .

New Fanzine for Stars Without Number

Golan2072 over on the Dragonsfoot Forums has announced a new fanzine for Stars Without Number & Classic Traveller. Here's a link to the first issue. I've created an archive on my Google Sites section for it, and as soon as I find a link to the primary website, I'll add it to the list of zines on the zine page.


Download Infinite Stars #1 here.

A Somewhat Awkward Attempt at Explaining My Take on the Old School Approach to Tabletop RPGs

What follows is part of an emailed response to an inquiry about whether old school player would actually use the Dungeon Funk Table in actual play. Of course, I said we would, and here is my attempt to explain why. After I emailed it, I thought it might make for good comment fodder.

So, here it is:


Old school gameplay works only if all involved understand that we are in a session/campaign that will pose challenges that require non-mathematical thinking and problem solving, not just min/maxing numbers on a character sheet to try to "win" combats/encounters. That is "new school" playing—playing which attempts to defend the character sheet against DM-inflicted change at all costs.

Very simply, First Person Shooters and Computer Role Playing Games have changed what players expect from pen-and-paper RPGs. In a CRPG or FPS, the focus of the game is the Character—we are asked to assume a role of a Character, to take on an avatar, and become immersed in the game world in o…

Hmmmm

Is it me, or is this guy the same guy as this guy?

Because that would explain a lot.

EDIT:
Yup. Same guy. Here's a long, profilish article which seems rather dismissive of what Zak has achieved in his industry, but also sheds some interesting insight on Zak's work. For what it's worth, the article is a bit longwinded and academic in tone and style, and comes off a bit dismissive of Zak and what led him into what provides his livelihood.

Quite frankly, Zak's work in the RPG blogosphere has been nothing short of mind-blowing (no pun intended).


EDIT 2:
Oh, and for what it's worth, you can buy Vornheim here and Zak's non-rpg books at Amazon.

Dungeon Funk PDF

Waaaaaaay back in February of this year, Greg over at Gorgonmilk hosted a community project, which became known as the Dungeon Funk Table.

I finally got around to finishing the conversion of that table to a PDF document, as I said I would.

And here it is:

Gorgonmilk's Dungeon Funk Table

May your dungeon be full of funk evermore.

Coming Soon: A Hamsterish Hoard of Monsters!

And by coming soon, I mean sometime before the end of the year!

I have been given tiachara's blessing to move ahead with a compilation of all the monsters she's posted at A Hamsterish Hoard of Dungeons & Dragons.

I need to comb through her website to make sure I have included all the monsters, but I have already assembled a 163-page tome of her creations, arranged in alphabetical order, one monster per page.

I still need to edit and proofread the document, as right now it is in a raw copy-and-paste state.

My plan is to assemble easy reference tables of monsters by level, terrain type, and XP. Then I'll add a table of contents and release it as a FREE PDF for easy reference.

The compilation will be stated for use with BEMCI/RC rules, but any DM worth his or her salt will find it easy to convert to other systems.

Bear in mind that I'm starting a new semester this week and that work on this little beastie take place around my teaching and paper grading. I've alread…

Fight On! Random Table Contest Winners Announced

The winners of the Fight On! Random Table Contest have been announced over at ODD74 forums.

One of my entries, 30 Close Combat Concentration Breakers, was awarded an Honorable Mention.

And my entry What's In That Hole was awarded a Special Honorable Mention; apparently, this table received a 2nd place vote from a judge, which is a nice recognition. Thanks, whoever voted for me!

I sure hope they compile all the tables in to a PDF; I'm certainly intrigued by some of those table titles!

Daddy Grognard's Bugbear Adventure

Daddy Grognard is trucking right along in his "An Adventure for Every Monster" series. He's up to Bugbear now. I love bugbears. I loved his adventure. I converted it to PDF and sent it to him. He's going to post it on his site, but in the meantime, you can also grab a copy of it here. All copyrights to Daddy Grognard, 'natch.

EDIT: I fogot to give credit to Dyson Logos for the map. This was totally my error. So, all copyrights to the map to Dyson Logos, m'kay?

Dyson, you know I love you, man.

New Issue of D6 Magazine is Out

Four Color Love?

Okay, I know about Marvel Superheroes, the original superhero RPG that used percentile dice and a color-coded chart as the primary game mechanics (edit: which I just learned is known as the FASERIP system). TSR's Conan games (not to be confused with the Conan modules for AD&D) also used this system, as did Gamma World 3e.
But what about the retro-clones that use the four-color system? The obvious one is ZeFRS, which is a direct retro-clone of the original TSR color-coded resolution system.
Another well known 4C clone is 4C System (also available at Seraphim Guard Games).
And now it appears that Fearless Flint Games is doing some sort of adaptation of the 4C System rules. The core rulebook posted on this site seems to be the same as the one from Lulu and/or Seraphim Guard, albeit with a new cover. I haven't taken a good look at the contents yet to see if there are any changes to the ruleset, though.
So, what other four-color-based RPGs are out there? List and link in the co…

New Links to the Old School Zine list

I've done some updating to the Old School Zine list. I recently stumbled across Project: Stone Jambalaya, a fanzine from the Gamma World Yahoo! Group. The zine features a lot of 1e/2e Gamma World stuff, although it supports all editions.

I also added links to Rule One, a Glorantha-focused zine, focused on the campaign world more than a specific ruleset (although it leans towards RuneQuest, for obvious reasons).

I've also added some other comments and such to links that seem to be in flux; be sure to bookmark the zine page and check back every once and a while.

6 Ways to Bring Civility Online @ The Art of Manliness

Hey! OSR! Go read this, paying special attention to point number three.

Being a Gentleman in the Age of the Internet

This link is totally safe for work, by the way.

Resurrection Update

Seems that Christian is back.

That's why I envy those who live near the ocean: the sea puts everything in perspective.

Roll on, Christian, roll on.

Please Don't Feed the Troll

Trolls. Ugh. I hate trolls. Once lost a mule and two dwarfs to a couple of trolls.

As any gamer knows, the way to finish off a troll for good is with fire or acid.

But on the web, flame wars can't seem to kill one particular OSR troll.

Which brings to me ask: anyone know how a website acid attack works?

(For those not in the know, Christian, one of the nicest and most introspective members of the OSR blogosphere, has been trashed by the troll behind YDIS [who I will not favor with a link].)

EDIT: It seems Christian has either deleted his blog, or hidden it from public view. This isn't the first time Christian has decided to take his blog offline after a web kerfluffle. While it is certainly within his rights to do so, we have now lost a wealth of information and resources: copies of Iridia zine, the Freecity of Haldane files, great encounters and maps (the most recent of which was a series of encounters along the Shores of Lake Quag), etc. While many of us might decry his deci…

What is up with Blogger Stats?

Hi! I've been away for awhile. I haven't posted since the beginning of May. And you'd think that a blog that hasn't been updated in almost a month and half wouldn't be getting a lot of page views. But guess what?

Look down in the lower left corner of this blog page. Scroll down if you need to--I'll wait!.

Okay, back now?

What did you notice?

Maybe that there is a 5,000 page view discrepancy between StatCounter.com and Blogger Stats?

WTF?

Anybody else notice their stats screwed up?

On the Lack of Posts

My apologies for the lack of updates. The end of the semester is kicking my butt right now; I am essentially a grading machine for the next two weeks. Regular programming will resume at some point in the near future.

Z is for . . .

Zombie
Whose brains these are I just don't know.
Her body's in the tunnel, though;
She will not see me stooping here
To eat her brains before I go.

My staggering gait you might find queer,
To shuffle-step when you're so near
Between the exit and the dark,
The darkest tunnel under here.

My skin, it flakes, my voice—a bark,
My bite leaves just a little mark;
I'm the worst thing you'd ever meet
In this black place beneath the park.

The tunnel is gloomy and smells of peat
And I have chains upon my feet,
And brains to devour before I sleep,
And brains to devour before I sleep.


*after Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, by Robert Frost

Know What I Hate?

I hate it when people complain that people don't comment on their blogs, and then they delete a comment you leave on their blogs.

Stay classy, you.

EDIT:
I may have jumped the gun on this one. I've noticed that the last few comments I've left on blogs have disappeared, so it might just be Blogger, not the blog owner. Even so, I still hate it.

In Response to a Comment by -C on Mythmere's Blog, Which Was a Response to My Comment

The following post is a response to a comment by -C of Hack & Slash (a great blog with some fantastic ideas) on this blog post at Mythmere's blog regarding what makes an OSR blog popular. The discussion in the comments veered towards whether bloggers should give away their creations or charge for them:

Only you can decide if it's a mistake to give your material away for free. I'm not saying it was a mistake to give away material, or that it's a mistake to charge for it. Only you can decide the fair market value of your ideas and the time and effort you invest in realizing those ideas in physical form.

That said, though, no one pays attention to a license that isn't in some ways restrictive. Making folks pay for content is a good method to get what you want--the money IS the comment, as you pointed out. Offer a free snippet on the blog, request payment for the whole shebang. Everybody wins. That's not a popularity contest, it's just good business sense.

Y is for . . .

Yellow Mold
It glimmers and it shimmers
And it looks like golden dust
But this fungus is poisonous
So steer clear of it you must;

It lingers on set tables,
It clings to silver plates,
Its spores will eat away your guts
Or acid-burn your face.

Fire will destroy it
Or so I've been been told—
But whatever you do in a dungeon,
Don't eat the Yellow Mold.

X is for . . .

X
X is for X,
the unknowable unknown
we know we know is still unknown,
yet for all we know of the known unknowns,
the unknown unknowns are not known
to be known by those who know unknowns the best.

X is for X and yet not for X
because X is now known to be known,
so if it is X and also not X,
then it's really no place that is known.

And if we know it's unknown then we know what is known,
not unknown as some people might claim;
So known or unknown, knowning what we know
Is really just one and the same—

So perhaps it is true that X does mark a spot,
But not on the material plane.

W is for . . .

Wall of Fire*
Death can be a burning thing
That deals a fiery sting.
Things look pretty dire,
When you fall into a wall of fire.

I fell into a flaming wall of fire
I went ahhh, owww, arrggh, and the fire went higher;
And it burns, burns, burns, this wall of fire,
This wall of fire.

I fell into a flaming wall of fire
I went ahhh, owww, arrggh, and the fire went higher;
And it burns, burns, burns, this wall of fire,
This wall of fire.

The taste of death is sweet
When sorcerers like us meet;
Your life was on the wire
Then you cast wall of fire.

I fell into a flaming wall of fire
I went ahhh, owww, arrggh, and the fire went higher;
And it burns, burns, burns, this wall of fire
This wall of fire.

I fell into a flaming wall of fire
I went ahhh, owww, arrggh, and the fire went higher;
And it burns, burns, burns, this wall of fire
This wall of fire.

And it burns, burns, burns,
this wall of fire
this wall of fire
this wall of fire.


*apologies to Johnny Cash

V is for . . .

Variant
There is no right way to play our great game;
The rules are are not rules, only guides.
You may change them and twist them,
Subvert, or discard them; only the DM can decide.

Houserules are just laws of the worlds we create
When we sit down at table to play;
All that it takes to change that world's fate
Is whatever the DM might say.

Elves can advance like split fighter-mages,
Turn undead, a first level spell;
You could split up the take or trade out your treasure
Or say screw it, each man for himself.

Some say houserules change the work that's been done
To keep the game balanced and fair;
But grognards say phooey to thinking like that;
This is old school, not Legends & Lairs.

Despite the trend to twist and to rend
The game into a cheap MMORPG;
We'll keep on gaming the way we've been gaming:
The game isn't dying, it breathes!

Variant rules are the soul of old school,
We vary the game as we like;
Now draw your sword, you scummy young fool
While I roll the…

U is for . . .

Undead
The undead I dread aren't the wights I might fight
Or the ghoul who might drool when he's bled.
The banshee ain't fancy and doesn't romance me—
Skeletons & shadows the same; I've never lost faith
Facing down wraiths, and spectres cry at my god's name.
Vampires spook me but I know can't harm me
Though true ones don't sparkle (for shame!),
Zombies just shuffle unless they must hustle—
Yet fast ones fall quicker than rain
(The slow ones are scary, but easy to parry
And they really just want to eat brains).
No, the bastard I dread out of all the undead,
The one that always does the trick—
Is that miserable corpse—Oh, that terrible corpse!—
The Horned King himself, the Lord Lich!

T is for . . .

Troll
Eeeny meeny miny moe,
Catch a Troll by his big toe.
Lop off an arm, just take a whack--
Don't be surprised when it grows back.
Chop off a leg, his nose, an ear,
And it comes back, just as you feared.
Decapitate his precious head,
And you'll find he's still not dead.
But torch his scrotum, burn his balls
And they'll not come back at all.
Only fire or an acid bath
Will kill a troll--just do the math.
He keeps on regenerating
Until his flesh's incinerating.
Then take his ashes, once he's charred,
Mix with seven parts of lard,
Form into lumps around a rope
Then scrub up nice with fresh Troll Soap™!

S is for . . .

Spade of Excavation
It's rumored that Xagyg the Crafty
(Or maybe Nosenera the Great)
Gave Smada Gierb Chnif
The terrible idea
To endeavor this spade to create.

With this spade in your hand you can clean out
A pegasus stall in an hour;
You can dig a quick ditch
With a flick of your wrist
Or dig under keep walls and watchtowers.

Why, I used it last week to escape the dark deep
Of that labyrinth known as Dyson's Delve;
It dug while I slept
And when I woke from sleep--
Well, that dungeon now has a level twelve!

My friend, you look very trustworthy--
And I know that this might sound insane
But I'll trade you this spade
Plus this Balm of Nightshade
If you bring me the Sword of Ducaine!

New Magic Item: Case of Irony

The following is declared Open Game Content:

Case of Irony
This small leather case has a permanent variation of the Magic Mouth spell cast on it. It can deliver any message of twenty-five or fewer words long in any language known by the user and the message can be delivered over a period of 10 minutes.

The mouth cannot utter verbal components, use command words, or activate magical effects. It does, however, move according to the words articulated.

The mouth appears inside the case, and opening the case triggers the message to begin.

However, there is a 90% chance that the message stored in the Case of Irony becomes twisted to mean the opposite of what was intended by the person who stored the message. In these cases, the message is delivered in a humorously sardonic manner. Roll 1d4 to determine who the voice sounds like:
Bill HicksMitch HedbergGilda RadnerRichard Pryor

A Word About All These Blogging Awards . . .

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I felt left out, so I gave myself this:


Feel free to award one to yourself. It's just as valuable as the other blogging awards I'm seeing pop up on OSR blogs.

EDIT: If you decide to post this on your blog, there's no need to link back to this post or this blog. Sometimes, a lot of link backs can make Google and/or Blogger think that a blog has been infected by a spambot. Therefore, I release the image contained in this post to the OSR community. Feel free to do with it what you will.

After all, it's a joke. Just like all the other blogging awards.

Blogging from A to Z Update

It appears I am several days ahead of the curve on the A to Z blogging challenge. I'm already up to R, but everybody else is on P.

Since I'm so far ahead, I'm going to give myself a bit of a break until I can be in sync with everyone else doing this blogging challenge. My next post, S, should appear on the Friday, April 22, right on schedule with everyone else.

This also gives me some time to come up with material for U through Z! X is giving me a headache, as there aren't any Xvarts in the Swords & Wizardry Whitebox. I'l think of something mildly silly and entertaining, I hope.

R is for . . .

Raise Dead
You might be rather gamey
If you've been in the grave for a week;
Your nose filled with mud,
Your flesh dripping with crud,
And your clothing—well, best not to speak.
When you've come back from hereafter,
Yes, you just might stink up the hall—
So if you've been resurrected,
Please sleep away from us all.

Q is for . . .

Quest*
I am compelled to obey you,
To complete the task that you set.
I will travel from Rimthorp to Kantikintal
To bring back the Gem of Hoptet.

I will travel through seas and through deserts,
I will climb the most perilous climbs
I will hack through the jungle of darkest Arktet
To bring back this jewel of desire.

I have heard tales of death and dismemberment
Of those who have fought for this jewel,
Of magic so bleak that it's best not to speak
Of the curse that turns clerics to ghouls.

So I will set off on this journey,
Though this be against my free will
And when I come back, beware my next task:
Your own damn black heart to still.


*this is a fifth level Cleric spell / sixth level Magic-user spell under the S&W Whitebox rules

P is for . . .

Purple Worm*

Purple Worm! Quick, run away!
The bastard swallows all its prey;
The stinger'll pierce right through your hide;
'Scuse me while I watch you die!

Purple Worms all around!
We're gonna die here undergound.
Are you happy or in misery?
Doesn't matter much, just don't bleed on me.

Help me! Help me!
Oh no, no . . . no!

Oh!
Purple Worm right before my eyes—
Don't know if I will live or die;
Warm breeze blowing as I head towards death—
Damn thing has the worst halitosis.

No, help me! Aw yeah!
Oh no, no, oh help me!


*with apologies to The Jimi Hendrix Experience

O is for . . .

Evidently. . .

I can't think through an idea very well. My 1d120 Table: What's in the Jar? has now been split into a series of sub-tables because I am a moron. Mad props to Restless for pointing this out.

d6+1 Table: What's in the Box?

The following is declared Open Game Content:

d6+1 Table: What's in the Box?*
The hearty adventurers have found a box. What's in it? Roll 1d6. If an odd number is rolled, the adventurers also find item 7.

1. The ossicles of seventy-two mice.

2. A 3/4-inch diameter purple glowing orb. Inside the orb, colors seem to swirl and loop in a mesmerizing pattern. Held in the hand, the orb twitches and rocks with crackling, electric energy. When thrown, tossed, or flicked, the orb will return to the user's hand after it hits its intended target. Used as a bullet in a sling, it functions as a bullet +2. It is really a Shooter +6, most useful when used in a game of ringer.

3. Several pieces of chalk and charcoal, fashioned into thin sticks to serve as writing implements.

4. 327 dried nurdles.

5. Two scrolls of 1,875,273 names, writtin in miniscule script, with lots of crosouts and deletions. One scroll is titled "Demonic," the other "Angelic." Each adventurer's…

N is for . . .

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Neutralize Poison
You've been bitten by snakes and by spiders
You look worse than what the cat dragged in;
You'll have to put faith
In a potion or scroll—
Unless you are true without sin.

Then your cleric can ask divine favor
(That's something to believe in)
To stop the quick spread
Of the venomous dread
That courses and flows through your veins.

Yes, this spell is your only hope now
To get yourself back, tippy-top:

You'll soon be back on your feet,

Drinking stout mead

And doing the unskinny bop.

Yes, we know that you just want action,
That you want nothing but a good time;
To be true, I think you've learned your lesson:
Every vampire rose has its thorns.




(inspired by this post at Rather Gamey.)

d120 Table: What's in the Jar? --CORRECTED!

The following is declared Open Game Content:

d120 Table: What's in the Jar?
The hearty adventurers have stumbled into the pantry. All around them are jars and vessels filled with foodstuffs. But what's in them? Roll 1d100 and 1d20 (or, I guess, the easy method of 6d20), add the result, and choose from below

Roll 1d6. Given the result, roll 1d20 on the appropriate table:

1.
Apple ButterApple ChutneyApple JuiceApplesauceArtichoke PicklesAsian PearsAsparagus PiecesAsparagus SpearsBaked BeansBerry SyrupBlack OlivesBread and Butter Pickled JicamaCantaloupe PicklesCayenne Pepper SauceChayote and Jicama SlawChayote and Pear RelishCollard GreensCranberriesCranberry Orange ChutneyCranberry Sauce
2.
Creamed CornCubed BeetsCubed PumpkinCubed Sweet PotatoesCubed White PotatoesCubed Winter SquashDiced CarrotsDill Pickle RelishDill PicklesDilled BeansFall Garden RelishFig PicklesFigsFresh Dill Cucumber RelishFruit PureésGrape JuiceGrapefruit SectionsGrapes WholeGreen BeansGreen Mangoes
3.
Green O…

d50 Table: Bear With Me

NOTE: This table has been updated and expanded upon! Check out this post to download the expanded table, plus many more!


The following is declared Open Game Content:

d50 Table: Bear With Me*
The hearty adventurers burst open the door. There, pacing around an otherwise apparently empty room, is a bear which, from cursory appearances, was previously chained to the floor. It's only a bear. But what kind of bear?

1. American Black Bear
2. Cinnamon Bear
3. Kermode Bear
4. Asiatic Black Bear
5. Baluchistan Bear
6. Formosan Black Bear
7. Pakistan Black Bear
8. Brown Bear
9. Atlas Bear
10. Bergman's Bear
11. Blue Bear
12. Eurasian Brown Bear
13. European Brown Bear
14. Gobi Bear
15. Grizzly Bear
16. Himalayan Brown Bear
17. Hokkaido Brown Bear
18. Kamchatka Brown Bear
19. Kodiak Bear
20. Marsican Brown Bear
21. Mexican Grizzly Bear
22. Siberian Brown Bear
23. Syrian Brown Bear
24. Giant Panda
25. Qinling Panda
26. Sloth Bear
27. Sri Lankan Sloth Bear
28. Sun Bear
29. Polar Bear
30. Ur…

Gold Star from Jeff!

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Jeff wanted to give me a gold star for my previous post about Printfriendly.com. I gave one to myself instead!

Print-to-PDF Any Post!

I was turned on to the Print-to-PDF feature of PrintFriendly.com after reading a blog by the poet and professor Joseph Hutchinson of The Perpetual Birder . I've added this feature to the blog, so now you can print any post direct to PDF for easy saving!

It'd be great if this becomes a feature we see on more OSR blogs--there is so much goodness out there that I save for offline viewing as HTML that I'd love to have as PDFs instead.

d50 Table: Dungeon Ducks

NOTE: This table has been updated and expanded upon! Check out this post to download the expanded table, plus many more!


The following is declared Open Game Content:

d50 Table: Dungeon Ducks
The hearty adventurers burst open the door. There, sitting in the middle of an otherwise apparently empty room, is a duck. Just a duck. Only a duck. But what kind of duck?

1. Abacot Ranger
2. Blanc d'Allier
3. Ancona Duck
4. Aylesbury Duck
5. Bali Duck
6. Black East Indian
7. Blue Swedish Duck
8. Buff Orpington Duck
9. Call Duck
10. Challans
11. Cayuga Duck
12. Chara Chemballi Duck
13. Crested Duck
14. Danish Duck
15. Duclair
16. Dutch Hookbill
17. East Indie Duck
18. Forest Duck
19. Gimbsheimer
20. Golden Cascade
21. Gressingham Duck
22. Huttengem Duck
23. Indian Runner Duck
24. Khaki Campbell
25. Magpie Duck
26. Majorcan Duck
27. Muscovy Duck
28. Orpington Duck
29. Pekin Duck
30. Rouen Duck
31. Saxony Duck
32. Semois
33. Silver Appleyard Duck
34. Silver Bantam Duck
35. Termonde Duck
36. Vene…

M is for . . .

Manticore
Though the Manticore curses in common
And he blasphemes in great detail,
When attacking he hovers
So warriors, take cover
From his dangerous, poisonous tail.

40 Followers!

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After posting the previous post, I noticed that I now have 40 followers myself! Thanks, guys, for coming along for the ride.

Now it's time to level up!

New Level: Thinker. Hmmm.....

Following vs. RSS

I've been transitioning over to the "Follower" widget in an effort to clean up my RSS feeds in Google Reader. Some of you might see you've gained me as "follower" but lost me as a feed reader. hope this doesn't screw up your blog stats too much.

L is for . . .

Lich
Give me a quart of vampire blood
And the well-simmered heart of a virgin,
The sexual glands of seven giant moths,
And a measure of fresh venom of wyvern—
I'll toss in two pinches of arsenic powder
And a pinch of my best belladonna;
I'll cast Magic Jar, Trap the Soul, Enchant Item:
Your life-force will flee to new sanctum—
I'll capture it here, in this phylactery
Made of amber & silver & bedlam.
And if you're not a lich by the end of the week,
Well, sorry, no refunds, no tantrums!

Here's One for Your Blogroll

If ...and the sky full of dust. isn't in your blogroll, go add it NOW.

K is for . . .

Kobold
Though it looks like a lizard
And fights like an orc,
When it's drawn and quartered,
It tastes more like pork.

J is for . . .

Jug of Alchemy*
As I was traveling, going over White Plume Mountain,
I saw the Watch Captain and his gold, he was counting;
I first produced my short sword and then produced my dagger—
I said "Stand and deliver or Orcus he may take ya."

Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da,
Whack for my daddy-o,
Whack for my daddy-o,
There's alchemy in the jug-o!

I took all his money, and it was a pretty penny;
I took all his money, and I brought it home to Jenny.
She swore that she loved me, no, never would she leave me;
But Lloth take that harlot, for you know she tricked me easy.

Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da,
Whack for my daddy-o,
Whack for my daddy-o,
There's alchemy in the jug-o!

I went to the tavern, all for to take a tumbler—
I drank a pint and then ten more, for sure it was a wonder!
And while I was a'drinking, Jenny told her daughters
To send word to the Watch Captain to be ready for my slaughter.

Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da, ha, ya,
Whack for my daddy-o,
Whack for my …

I is for . . .

Invisible Stalker
I’ve got an Invisible Stalker;
I keep it on a short leash.
It’s a cloud of mist from the Aerial Plane
And I’m finding it quite hard to teach.
I’ve trained it to heel and roll over,
It’s great when it begs and it fetches;
But how do you teach an invisible beast
To learn not to kill what it catches?

H is for . . .

Harpy
She might be stacked like a champion,
She might be as pretty as hell,
You might be bewitched to believe her
When you're under her siren song spell;
But remember that she is part vulture,
So if you're intent on this match
(There's really no way to avoid it)
Be prepared for your kids to be hatched.

Another Word About this A to Z Blogging Thing

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Once I finish the whole A to Z thing, I'm going to take all these silly verses and compile them in a free PDF. I'll call it The Tome of Silly Verse or something like that. Suggest a better name if you think that one sucks.

All you artsy types, it'd be great if you want to contribute sketches or something. Especially for a cover. Obviously, since this is a freebie, I can't pay for art--maybe if you have something that you have the rights to that you care to recycle for this project, you could pass it along. Or, maybe you could point me to specific public domain pieces that could work.

I don't think I mentioned this before, but I'm taking the inspiration for the silly little verses I'm writing from the 2nd print edition of Brave Halfling's take on The Swords & Wizardry Whitebox Edition. You know, this one:


Sadly, this edition is no longer available for purchase, and S&W WB is into a new third edition with its original publisher, Mythmere Games. H…

G is for . . .

Grey Ooze
In the cool depths of Kalchis near the pools of no name
It quivers in darkness waiting for prey;
No mouth to feed it, no eyes to see,
It engulfs and devours, and leaves no debris.
Corrosion and death are all that it seeks
As it lashes out blindly 'gainst blade, claw, and beak.
Mindless and formless in the black of the void
Beware the grey death or your sword be destroyed.

Hârn?

I've never heard of Hârn or HârnMaster or HârnWorld. So imagine my surprise when this morning I discovered Lythia.com's downloads section. Talk about a gold mine of roleplaying goodness!

I've just poked around a bit and discovered the Hârn Pottage series--three PDFs full of bits and pieces that could be worked into any fantasy campaign.

There's also a Hârn fanzine, Thonahexus. I've added it to the Old School Zine list.

F is for . . .

Fireball
Morlog the Great cast Fireball
In an enclosed space
And though the gnolls are dead and all,
He burned off his face.

Name It & Stat It Challenge 2!

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An X-ray of a new species of stingray discovered in the Amazon.

Now, imagine the picture above isn't an X-ray of a stingray. No, imagine this glowing creature inhabits the darkest depths of the deepest, most vile dungeon ever created. What's its name, and how deadly is it?

Name it & stat it! Best stats & description wins a big box of no-prize, plus I'll edit the post to reflect the winning entry.

E is for . . .

Efreet
Never trust an efreet
To perform a feat
If it's bound to do your bidding,
For soon you will find
Yourself in a bind,
Either dead or severely bleeding.

d6 Table: What’s That Camel Doing Down Here?

The following is declared Open Game Content:

d6 Table: What’s That Camel Doing Down Here?

You’re deep underground. Even your mule is smarter than you are, because it stayed on the surface. So WTF is a camel doing down here?

It’s a spacecamel, baby. It knows no bounds.Looking for a light.Lost a bet to a ghoul and has to wander around underground for a week while the ghoul chills out at an oasis.On a quest to recover the Jade Hare.Can’t remember where he parked his bad motor scooter.Looking for love in all the wrong places.

D is for . . .

Dungeon
We spelunk the depths, we slay the orcs
We lust for the dragon's hoard
And all along we sing this song:
Fuck it, it's a dungeon!

We fight, we die, we spring some traps
& Grok the Halfling ain't coming back—
Crap, I think the mage miscast:
Fuck it, it's a dungeon!

The ways are dark and things go bump
(Is that Orcus or is it a flumph?);
Who really cares, this place is a dump—
Fuck it, it's a dungeon!

Do we stay, do we fight,
do we turn and take flight
In our deepest darkest despair?
Or do we blame ourselves
For trusting the elves
And this ripped map of Karnal Throk's Lair?

We carry a torch, a pole, and a rope
But it's gonna take more than a bucket of hope
To pull us through to our ultimate goal:
Fuck it, it's a dungeon!

I've lost my shield, my sword is bent,
Any treasure we find is already spent
To pay our bills and the inn keeper's rent:
Fuck it, into the dungeon!

C is for . . .

B is for . . .

A is for . . .

Anti-Magic Shell
Renvar the Deranged
Attacks the ice cream golem:
Anti-Magic Shell!

A Word about the A to Z Blogging Challenge

So, the folks in the OSR are doing some sort of A to Z Blogging Challenge for April. And April also happens to be National Poetry Month. Hmm.....I wonder. . . .

Machete Slingshot!

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Should this be stated as a bladed weapon, a bowed weapon, or a catapult?

Name It & Stat It Challenge 1!

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Jellyfish parasite Hyperia galba
Skeleton shrimp Caprella septentrionalis

Nereis virens head (Polychaeta)

I was reading my morning news feeds this morning and came across these photos by Alexander Semenov.

I suck at writing stats blocks and descriptions, so I'll leave those up to you! Leave your stats and description in the comments box, and I'll pick my favorite for each to post below each picture.