Sunday, March 31, 2013



All entries must be in by 11:59:59 pm CDT!

Come on, guys! There's only been 1 entry so far. Don't let that evil genius win by default!


Friday, March 29, 2013

Bob the Cat

Bob the Cat (minion of Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound)
Alignment: Chaotic (neutral)
Movement: 60’ (20’)
Armor Class: 5
Hit Points (Hit Dice):  49 (9)
Attacks: 2 (1 bite or breath weapon) + special
Damage: 1d10/ 4d4 + special
Save: F19
Morale: 12
Hoard Class: N/A
XP:  3,100

Bob the Cat is a two-legged bald cat that rides on the shoulders of Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, etc., etc., when His Lordship manifests as a one-eyed, lute-playing hunchbacked midget during the Dark Moon Festival and other high holy days.

Bob the Cat is slightly larger than a normal domestic housecat, and is able to talk in pidgen Common, although he is fluent in Goblin & Dwarvish.  He has a particularly dirty mind and is constantly barking sexual innuendos at passersby. His cackling mews are also highly disturbing.

Bob the Cat's leg configurations never manifest in the same manner: sometimes he has two front legs, sometimes two back, sometimes one front and one back, sometimes they appear on the left and sometimes they appear on the right. Once every three years he manifests as a cat with human legs riding piggyback on His Lordship's hump.

Bob's main attack is his venomous bite (1d10 normal damage + Save vs. Poison or suffer –3 to rolls and –2 hp per round until Cure Disease or death). Because he feeds exclusively on Cowie's inky black milk, he's also capable of belching an intense, short-range cone of fire once per day (Save vs. Breath Weapon or take 4d4 fire damage).

Bob the Cat's tail is prehensile, and he uses it to wield a Wand of Absolute Total Fucking Darkness with 4 charges or a Wand of What the Fuck with 3 charges. Flip a coin to decide which he's got this time around.

Finally, Bob the Cat coughs up hairless fur balls once per day (don't ask). Merely touching one of these with bare flesh is enough to impart burrowing rotworm disease (no save): a single, tiny worm will burrow its way into the flesh and then replicate exponentially via self-division. Such victims are usually fated for a horrible, torturous death unless they swallow a dried pearl onion within fifteen minutes of becoming infected (the initial infecting burrowing rotworm head for the stomach first, and dried pearl onions mixed with stomach acids create a highly toxic gas which kills it before it can self-divide).

Bob the Cat's name is not Bob, Bobbie, Bob-o, or any other variation. It is always "Bob the Cat."  Attempting to address him as anything but after he corrects you the first time means it's time to roll for initiative.


The Wand of Absolute Total Fucking Darkness (Rare)
No. of Total Charges: 4
Effect: Creates a 60' dome of absolute total fucking darkness for 1d4 days.

A slim wand of rosewood, Wands of ATFD are rarely found on the material plane, as they are only wielded by Bob the Cat, the companion animal of Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound.  He's only lost two.

Wands of Absolute Total Fucking Darkness create a darkness darker than the dark in Orcus' bowels. It can not be dispelled and no magical light can penetrate its darkness. In fact, the Wand of ATFD creates a warp in the space-time continuum, establishing a stable, self-contained time-looped portal to the Plane of Eternal Darkness, the thin black plane separating the Negative Energy Plane from all others.

Anyone caught in the area of effect (or stumbling into the area of effect) has a 1% chance of stumbling out of the area each day.  Most folks end up sitting tight and waiting it out. Not even the gods or godlings themselves can peer into the inky darkness to see what is happening therein.

No one knows where these things came from, not even Bob the Cat, who stumbled upon a small bundle of them in an unmarked crate in a third sub-basement of the tunnel between Olympus and Asgard.

Wand of What the Fuck (Unique)
No. of Charges: 12 (3 left)
Effect: ????

A tough, stubby wand made from a cypress root, the only known Wand of WTF  is in the possession of  Bob the Cat, the companion animal of Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound.

The Wand of WTF allows the wielder to immediately carry out the first thought that pops into his head when the wand is extended to strike, but the caster has no control over how those thoughts might be carried out. For example, if the wielder thinks "I'm hungry," the target might turn into a giant ham OR the target might find their weapon turned into a pig OR the wielder might find himself seated at table in a distant town with a feast before him.

No one knows where it came from or who created it; Bob the Cat discovered the Wand of WTF among a small bunch of Wands of Absolute Total Fucking Darkness and discovered its powers by accident. The wand originally had 12 charges. Only 3 are left. Bob the Cat has managed to master casting with the device after several mishaps, including a run-in with the Prince of Darkness himself that's better left unmentioned.

This is an extremely powerful item and the (un)lucky adventurers who manage to appropriate it must treat it with the respect it deserves.

The Mooks of Verthish

The Mooks of Verthish
When the Jale God appears as Verthish, he's often accompanied by several mooks. The mooks are divided into two gangs called The Odds & The Evens, and a pair of siblings, The Vertix Twins,  who work alone. Roll 1d6 to determine which mooks are accompanying Verthish:

1-2    The Odds
3-4    The Vertix Twins
5-6    The Evens

1  - Stinkeye  (Even)

12th Level Fighter, male
An extra-strong warrior whose right arm is solid iron (treat as +2 Warhammer),  Stinkeye has one eye like Verthish and reeks of garlic & leeks. Oddly, he's highly allergic to both. He wears a Cloak of Stealth and despises blacksmiths.

2 - Doose (Odd)
10th Level Thief, Female
Once a Mallard hen living in a pond in the Kingdom of Inninnouta, the Jale God turned him into a man on a bet with Sooka, the Petty God of Boiled Duck Eggs. Doose is wicked-fast with a knife blade and likes to stab cheaters in the back before they know what's happening. She's covered in fine down (except for her feet, hands, neck, and face) and has a habit of picking lovers who are extremely well endowed. She lays an egg every day that she then consumes in front of her lover (Save vs. Insanity or be insane for 1d6 days and need a good soak at a public house to recover). Eating the egg grants her the ability to turn invisible 2x per day. If anyone else (male or female) eats the egg (another Save vs. Insanity), they will become pregnant and give birth to a live duck in 28-30 days. The duck will be imprinted on its human. Treat it as a non-magical familiar.

3 -  Tra (Even)
10th Level Magic-User, Female
Rumored to be one of Verthish's mortal lovers, Tra is addicted to Jooroosh (often called "jay"), a powerful narcotic powder made from the dried spores of Ochre Oozes which is twisted into hemp-like coils. Jay provides a psionic high and allows users to briefly twist the space-time continuum. Tra has a 100gp-a-day habit and is therefore also addicted to gambling at dice. Due to her intake of jay, she tends to memorize the same spell to fill all her spell slots, as she's so doped up she can't wrap her brain around more than one spell. The word on the street is she often memorizes nothing but the cantrip Manipulate Smoke Ring. She also carries a +3 Dagger of Darkness.

4 - Ka'Der (Odd)
11th Level Fighter, Male.
Ka'Der is a big dumb guy who likes to hit stuff with his fists. Formerly a slave forced to be a naked wrestler in the gladiatorial Arena of Fairmona, Ka'Der won his freedom when, after besting the King's champion in his first fight, disemboweled his opponent with his bare hands and ate the unseated champion's small intestine while she was in her death throes. Ka'Der has since developed a sweetspot for sweetmeats. Carries a +1 Hatchet he calls "Carver".

5 - Sinké (Even)
16th Level Fighter, Male
Highly androgynous, Sinké is Verthish's favorite spy for his ability to pass as  either male or female in crowds. Sinké carries a +2 bonewood bow cut from the tree of the hamadryad Phersenia in the forest of Bulahdelah, a rare and cherished gift from his benefactor. Sinké is an excellent climber and prefers to attack from the high ground and is uneasy in open places. He is an expert with all archery-related weapons (including darts) and has even been known to free-throw longbow arrows with 97% accuracy.

6 - Cise (Odd)
10th Level Fighter, Female
Sinké's wife, Cise was a belly-dancer at the Court of Aaaron who, after being brutally raped by the prince consort, took her revenge by poisoning the wine of the entire court with an 50 yard skien of jay. Overcome by the unexpected psionic high of the drug, their brains jellied and oozed out their ears. Cise fled to the Mercenary Guild, where Sinké, a former member of the royal guard, was the Grand Master of Archery.  Sinké, taken by Cise's beauty, secured her guild membership and began her training in fighting arts. An expert at hand-to-hand combat, Cise prefers to double-wield short scimitars. She carries a Veil of Tears which when worn makes anyone in a five-foot radius (except the wearer) weep uncontrollable tears (no save, –2 to all combat rolls). She is considered the leader of The Odds.

7 - Nop'ha'se (Even)
13th Level Illusionist, Male
Verthish found Nop'ha'se  when he was seven, hustling games of five rocks in the alleyways of Vornheim. Verthish was so taken by the young man's wily good looks and quick hands that he took him under this wing to train in the ways of dice deception. A skilled gambler and hustler, Nop'ha'se is often the bait to get a hot dice game going so Verthish can manifest and gamble for souls. Nop'ha'se has mastered the art of doing his finger manipulations to invoke a spell while in the process of tossing dice.

8 - Nukel (Odd)
14th Level Magic-User, Male
Nukel is a highly skilled alchemist but he often gets his spells wrong. In an attempt to develop a low-grade strain of Jooroosh to wean Tra of her addiction, he accidentally created the most addictive strain: the highly pungent, golden yellow variation nicknamed  "Purine" by aficionados. Nukel's favorite spell in combat is Magic Sword, which he often casts as Magic Swear. Verthish keeps him around for shits & giggles.

9 - Lands (Even)
12th Level Thief, Female
A bedraggled, horribly scarred 63 year old woman, Lands poses as a beggar on street corners to scope out the best marks to hustle.  While she looks thin and weak, her skeletal structure has been magically replaced with mithril through a freak accident in Nukel's lab. Her flesh wounds normally, but her bones cannot be severed from her body. She wishes she was dead already.

10 - Knek't (Odd)
12th Level Thief, Male
Fastest fingers in a pocket, Knek't is Land's son. He has a terrible crush on Tra which his mother thinks is unnatural. Knek't has an appetite for the jeweled eyes of temple statues--literally. His gut contains a multitude of small jewels that do not pass. Once a week he shits a single jewel. Roll on the jewel treasure chart to determine the gem, and then consult the gem chart on page 107 of  the Labyrinth Lord rulebook to determine it's value:

01-15    Ruby
16-30    Sapphire
31-45    Emerald
46-60    Pearl
61-75    Diamond
76-85    Amythest
86-90    Jade
91-95    Onyx
96-00    Garnett

11 - Gnil'bmag (Even)
10th Level Elf, Male
The only elf among Verthish's henchman, Gnil'bmag is an outcast among his people yet the acknowledged leader of The Evens. Having been a great general at the time of the Flame Wars of Jubrini, Gnil'bmag was given a small stronghold of his own in the Warded Woods, along with a six-man squad  of  Elfish warriors,  as reward for defending the Hidden Tower of Fensdown from the goblin invaders.  After a century or two of quiet solitude, The Six tired of the roles as Warders of the Woods and convinced Gnil'bmag to quietly leave their position to pursue adventure. And so they did. And all of them died in the frozen lands of the Southern Wastes. Except for Gnil'bmag, who had been captured by Frost Giants and imprisoned for three centuries. He managed to escape and returned to the Fensdown, only to find the Woods had been cleared for pastureland and his keep, having fallen into neglect, dismantled by peasants to make huts. The Elves stripped him of his immortality in retribution of his failure. He is deathly afraid of being touched by a ghoul.

12 - Oshuq (Odd)
No one knows who Oshuq really is. Some say he comes from the world beyond dreams; other say he himself is a petty godling in disguise; still others say he's a mutated molted owlbear. Regardless, Oshuq possesses unusual strength and an oder similar to rotting skunkweed. He is an imposing presence, standing 21 hands tall and weighing 27 stone. He is clothed in damp, dirty, cloth bandages wrapped tightly against his skin, leaving only small slits to see and breathe from. He does not talk and no one has ever seen him eat. He wears Boots of Traveling and Springing. He does not carry a weapon. In a fight, he disarms his opponents by tearing off their arms.

13 - The Vertex Twins
12th Level Dwarf Fighters
The Vertex Twins (Vert and Tyse) are conjoined twins fused along the backbone. They share a spine, some internal organs,  and an asshole, but nothing else.  They constantly bicker and insult each other and are usually avoided by all of Verthish's other henchmen. They prefer to speak Goblin and have invented several unique swears and invocations that have gained in popularity among the goblin speakers  ("May your backhair be shaved by an angry otter" being an extremely popular one at the moment; say it in Goblin and you'll know why).  Vert wields a +2 Battleaxe and Tyse wields several +2 Throwing Axes. Neither fights with a shield, preferring to spring around and try to put his sibling in harm's way to protect himself. Verthish has promised that if one of them should die, he would make the survivor whole. He's enjoyed watching them in combat ever since.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Tetskuize the Demoralizer

Tetskuize the Demoralizer
18th Level Lich (formerly a Cleric of Curdle, the Petty Goddess of Blind Milk Maids)

Alignment: Chaotic (good)
Movement: 60’ (20’)
Armor Class: 0
Hit Points (Hit Dice): 67 (12+)
Attacks: 1 (fire touch)
Damage: 1d10 fire damage
Save: C18
Morale: 9
Hoard Class: XXII
XP: 4, 400

Once the High Priestess of the Order of Amelkin, which is dedicated to the worship of Curdle, the Petty Goddess of Blind Milk Maids, Tetskuize met her mortal demise at the hands of the mad wizard Wälläkatüntün during the Flame Wars of Jubrini.

Called "the Demoralizer" for the way she would scold novices of the order, Tetskuize was responsible for spreading the worship of Curdle beyond the clans of the Felsden Wastes to the majority of the known realms. She achieved this mostly by imposing strict curfews on milkers of the order and bans on avarian protocooperation and musical pageants among the milking herds, especially the dwarf aurochs, dun cows,  and Mýrasýslian goats.

As she was the first Head Priestess chosen by Curdle herself to be the Head Priestess of the Order, Curdle took pity on her in death. Curdle begged her father, Ywehbobbobhewy (Lord of Waters, etc., etc.) to beseech the Jale God to grant Tetskuize's soul immortality on the godling plane.  The Jale God challenged Ywehbobbobhewy to a game of Crown & Anchor, and as the game ended in a draw, the Jale God begrudgingly assented to partially fulfill the request: he made Tetskuize a lich whose phylactery (a small cheese press) is kept locked away somewhere secret on the godling plane.

Tetskuize has all the normal abilities of a lich as described in the Advanced Edition Companion, except that she deals fire damage instead of cold damage. Once a year she must make a pilgrimage to encounter a different aspect of the Jale God to give him thanks for her existence.

No longer in direct service to the Order of Almelkin in their home chapel, Tetskuize now holds host in the Labyrinth of Myzithra on the island of Anari, overseeing the production of sour cheeses for the Lizards of Uroon. The lizardmen keep the exact location of the island secret to insure a steady supply of Xynotryi cheeses, considered a staple of the Uroonian foot soldier's diet. (The Lizards of Uroon worship Curdle by the name Sssththssss, or "Milk of the Mother Lizard.")

Although now a trapped in her undead state, Tetskuize still keeps up steady worship of Curdle. It is rumored by the blind lizards who tend the goats in the Labyrinth of Myzithra that Curdle herself has sought Tetskuize's companionship during the time of the Dark Moon Festival.

As one of the few non-magic user liches, Tetskuize's existence is hotly contested by other Petty Godlings, who would destroy her on sight were it not for the Jale God's intervention & Curdle's favoritism.

Nipleteth the Wise

Nipleteth the Wise, Head Priestess of Curdle, the Petty Goddess of Blind Milk Maids
15th Level Cleric
STR: 10
DEX: 10
CON:  9
INT: 17
WIS: 16
CHA: 16
XP earned: 80,001
Alignment: Chaotic (good)
Movement: 30’ (15’)
Armor Class: 0
Hit Points (Hit Dice): 42
Attacks: 2 (1 whipfire + special)
Damage: 1d6 + 2d6 fire damage / special
Treasure: 14100 cp, 1480 sp, 147 ep, 1197 gp, 42 pp (only 50 sp on person)
Lvl 1: Cure Light Wounds, Detect Evil, Detect Magic, Light, Protection From Evil, Purify Food and Drink, Remove Fear

Lvl 2: Bless, Find Traps, Hold Person, Silence 15' Radius, Snake Charm, Speak with Animal

Lvl 3: Continual Light, Cure Disease, Dispel Magic, Remove Curse, Striking

Lvl 4: Cure Serious Wounds, Detect Lie, Protection from Evil 10' Radius, Neutralize Poison

Lvl 5: Cure Critical Wounds, Dispel Evil, Flame Strike, Quest

Lvl 6: Heal, Find the Path, Part Water

Lvl 7: Restoration

The twelve year old daughter of poor herders in the village of Fensdown, Ionika Gurp was destined to a life of calf birthing and shit shoveling until one evening when she was caught far from home without food or drink and bedded down for the night in thistle near the edge of the forest.

Cold and shivering, suffering from hunger after a hard day driving dwarf aurochs in the meadows, she was gifted with a visitation by Curdle, Petty Goddess of Blind Milk Maids. Ionika managed to successfully sup from the inky black milk from Cowie's teats without being driven mad. Astonished that her hunger disappeared and her strength was renewed, Ionika realized she was in the presence of the divine and, being a simple girl raised by superstitious parents, plucked her eyes out in fear for having dared glimpsed a godling.

Moved by Ionika's act of self-mutilation, Curdle made Ionika a novitiate in the Order of Amelkin, which is dedicated to Curdle's worship. There, she was trained in the arts of animal husbandry, cheese-making, whipfire-wielding, and the deadly Kirkadian throttling technique. Ionika quickly progressed through the order's ranks to become one of Curdle's most devoted worshippers, although her natural beauty was often seen as a stain on her piety by other members of the order. Within twenty years, she was chosen by Curdle to become the new head of the order—the first head priestess so chosen by Curdle herself since the unfortunate demise of her previous chosen one, Tetskuize the Demoralizer, at the hands of the mad wizard Wälläkatüntün several centuries before.

Ascending to Head Priestess, Ionika followed tradition and took a new name, becoming known as Nipleteth. She later became known as Nipleteth the Wise due to her business acumen; under her direction, the Order's cheese-making facilities were greatly expanded, and their Milkmaid's Stool Goat Cheese became a favorite at nobles' homes throughout the realm, lining the Order's coffers for years to come. Now in her early forties, she is regarded as one of the finest leaders the Order of Amelkin has ever known.

This success has not come without a price. Every year during the Dark Moon Festival, Nipleteth is required to make a blood sacrifice to Curdle & Cowie to ensure the flowing of the milk. This sacrifice must be of a male virgin who she beds and kills at the moment of climax. At all other times of the year she must remain chaste.

Once becoming the Head Priestess, Nipleteth was granted the power to True See at will.

She wears banded mail +3 beneath her simple hooded robe. She attacks with whipfire (the black-inky "milk" extruded by Cowie), which does 1d6 normal damage + 2d6 fire damage. She can additionally attack with the Kirkadian throttle, a telekinetic chokehold that visibly collapses the victim's throat and rips off their eyelids. Targets of the Kirkadian throttle can avoid these effects with a successful DEX check.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Mouthless Tongues (Minions of Tonya, Petty Goddess of Children's Teeth)

Mouthless Tongues (Minions of Tonya, Petty Goddess of Children's Teeth)

No. Encountered: 1–2 (up to 1,000+ in lairs)
AL: Chaotic (neutral)
MV: 10' (5')
AC: 10
HD: 1 (5 HP each)
THAC0: 18
SV: F1
ML: 5
XP: 5
Treasure: 1–5 cp each / child's tooth

Mouthless Tongues are the devoted minions of Tonya, Petty Goddess of Children's Teeth, and they are tasked with retrieving teeth from and delivering payment to the undersides of children's pillows.

Mouthless Tongues are 3-to-4-inch long sentient tongues which resemble fleshy pink slugs. They worm their way across the ground in a manner mechanically similar to the inch worm locomotion. They are eyeless and mouthless, absorbing nutrients from their environment to survive.

Each Mouthless Tongue has a small fleshy pocket on the underside of its "foot" which is used to carry small coins or children's teeth. Roll 1d6 to determine what the Mouthless Tongue is carrying:

1 – Nothing
2 – Child's molar
3 – 1–3 cp
4 – Child's canine tooth
5 – 4–5 cp
6 – Child's incisor

20% of Mouthless Tongues have the ability to teleport themselves (and only themselves) to their lair when distressed. They will leave their burden behind. If it was a tooth that was abandoned, then the Mouthless Tongue will be psionically destroyed by Tonya (as children's teeth are more precious than coins to Her Pettiness) and Tonya will seek out the fool who made her minion drop its load.

Mouthless Tongues prefer damp lairs along continually running creeks and streams. Lairs can hold up to 1,000 individuals. They reproduce via asexual reproduction in swarming masses of 50 or more during warmer months.

If a PC encounters more than 10 Mouthless Tongues at once (especially if they are in the act of reproduction), the PC must make a Save vs. Insanity based on their CON. Failure means the PC is violently, nauseously ill and suffers a –3 penalty to any and all rolls for 1d4 rounds.

Rumor has it that Mouthless Tongues originated from Tonya herself. Some even go as far to say the Mother Tongue was Tonya & Ywehbobbobhewy's bastard child.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The Balanced Quarterstaff

An Item for the Divine Items Appendix.

The Balanced Quarterstaff (Unique)
Alignment: Chaotic Lawful
XP Value: 9,000

Balanced is a +3 quasi-intelligent bonewood quarterstaff belonging to Verthish, the Petty God of Single Pips, who himself is a manifestation of the Jale God.

The staff itself is carved from a stout, 8-foot-long branch of bonewood harvested from the tree of the hamadryad Phersenia in the forest of Bulahdelah. Eons ago in his youth, the Jale God became enamored with Phersenia. As she was bound by the laws of the gods to her tree, he knew they could never rule together. As a token of his esteem, he sent his protection over her forest until her death during the Flame Wars of Jubrini. He created the staff from the remains of her tree in remembrance of her beauty and her desire to "see the world beyond the green."

The staff now houses the only remaining slice of the soul of the wizard Wälläkatüntün, collected from the battlefield by the Jale God centuries after the Battle of the Waters of Kirkadi at the conclusion of the Flame Wars of Jubrini. It was Wälläkatüntün who convinced the Jale God to manifest as the Petty God of Single Pips.

Once per day, Balanced can cast The Curse of the Jale God, Im Ra Jash, at a target of its own choosing. The staff is wily and erratic and will often choose an unlikely target at an unlikely time, but the victim is always someone who deserves it.

After 1d4 weeks out of Verthish's possession, the weapon loses its magical ability and acts as normal quarterstaff and Wälläkatüntün's soul slice will become dormant until the staff is retrieved by Verthish.

If the Jale God himself is utterly destroyed, Wälläkatüntün's soul slice will exit the staff and invade the nearest magic user or cleric, who must Save vs. Insanity or be symbiotically joined. The magic user or cleric gains 1 additional level-appropriate spell, but control of its casting is controlled by Wälläkatüntün's soul slice. There is a 1% chance per day that the spell will be cast, again usually at an inopportune moment.

The Dagger of Fairness

An Item for the Divine Items Appendix.

The Dagger Fairness (Unique)
Alignment: Chaotic Lawful
XP Value: 3,000

Fairness is a +3 dagger owned by Verthish, the Petty God of Single Pips, who himself is a manifestation of the Jale God.

Fairness was created from the scavenged remains of a finger joint from the giant iron golem which housed the brain of the wizard Wälläkatüntün before the wizard's final destruction by Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound, at the Battle of the Waters of Kirkadi.

Due to Wälläkatüntün's lifelong dedication to the study of inter-dimensional dice probability and alchemical mechanics, the Jale God commanded the creation of Fairness in tribute. Because the laws of probability are immutable, Fairness dispenses an additional +3 against cheaters at dice games.

After 1d4 weeks out of Verthish's possession, the weapon loses its magical ability and becomes a normal dagger. It can regain its abilities if/when it is retrieved by Verthish.

Verthish, an aspect of the Jale God for Petty Gods

Greg emailed me special, so I responded. Here's my aspect of the Jale God:

Name: Verthish, Petty God of Single Pips
Symbol: A pair of dice rolled snake-eyes
Alignment: Lawful
Movement: 30' (15')
Armor Class: -3
Hit Points (Hit Dice): 84 (9 HD +12)
Attacks: 2 + special
Damage: 1d4 +3(6) /  1d6 +3  / Special
Save: F12
Morale: 12
Hoard Class:  VII
XP: 5,600

Verthish appears in the crowd during games of chance involving dice. He usually manifests as an aged, long haired, one-eyed man wearing a brown cloak armed only with a dagger and carrying a white staff. To all outward appearances, he is normal human rabble who likes to gamble. He will wager large sums on the outcomes of the games themselves rather than participating in the games.

He is impressed with those who act hastily and recklessly in pursuit of high stake gambles and on occasion will manipulate the outcome of the dice in their favor even if it means a financial loss for himself.

He abhors loaded dice and will ensure their owner loses every game in which such dice are used.

If attacked, he will defend with Fairness, a +3 dagger that dispenses an additional +3 against cheaters, and Balanced, a +3 quasi-intelligent bonewood staff that  once per day can cast The Curse of the Jale God, Im Ra Jash, at a target of its own choosing.

If defeated in battle, Verthish will turn to smoke and return to his original plane. After 1d4 weeks, the weapons will lose their magical abilities.

Edit: Just heard from Greg. This one's going to get illustrated! Cool!

Edit 2: And yes, I'll stat up Fairness and Balanced for the Divine Items Appendix

Quickie Bookface

Well hey there!

Space-Age Sorcery from Hereticwerks & Needles & Porky. Definitely a must read. The names of some of these spells are hilarious while the effects are anything but. Plus there are three bonus d6 tables at the back! I'm going to have to print this cover in color because it's just pretty like that.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Updated: My Petty Gods Compilation Post

UPDATE 2013-04-16

I've moved all my internal Petty Gods project links to their own page: My Petty God Mythos.

Tonya, Petty Goddess of Children's Teeth

Inspired by this image by Jengabean:

Tonya, by Jengabean

 Name: Tonya, Petty Goddess of Children's Teeth
Symbol: A Child's Incisor
Alignment: Chaotic (neutral)
Movement: 30’ (15‘)
Armour Class: 4
Hit Dice: 8
Attacks: 1 tentacle/2 toothy squeeze
Damage: 1d8 lash / 1d12 crushing damage + 1d6 bite)
Save: F78
Morale: 11
Hoard Class: XXI
XP: 5,600

Tonya, Petty Goddess of Children's Teeth, appears as a 15 foot tall tongue embedded with the missing teeth of thousands of children arranged scale-like across her frontside. She has no features beside her red pulsing body and the teeth, and she communicates via telepathy and other psionic means.

Tonya was banished to the material plane by Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound for attempting to steal the teeth of his favored daughter, Curdle, the Petty Goddess of Blind Milk Maids. She now spends her time plotting ways to get back into Ywehbobbobhewy's good graces. She believes the gifts of money she deigns to leave beneath children's sleeping heads will bring her back into Ywehbobbobhewy's fold. She is mistaken, as metal coins are worthless trinkets to the minor corpus gods who make-up Ywehbobbobhewy's court.

Tonya despises the common misconception that fey and/or hobgoblins are responsible for retrieving teeth from beneath children's pillows. In fact it is Her Toothiness's wormy minions (which are minature, toothless versions of Herself [No attack, AC 10, 5 hp each]) which wriggle beneath the sheets of sleeping children to snatch away the enamaled prizes she treasures.

It is rumored she is building a temple to Ywehbobbobhewy with all the milk teeth her minions gather.

Tonya herself rarely retrieves teeth from beneath a child's head. She will only do so for nobles and clerical orders.

Encountering Humans
Tonya and her minions are invisible to children whose natural age is 12 or younger. Between the ages of 13 and 16, teenagers can sense their presence but only see wriggly shadows. At 17 or older, adults can see Tonya and her minions' true form and must roll on the Human Encounters Reaction Table (1d6)

1    Disgusted. The human is disgusted and vomits immediately for 1d4 rounds, and suffers a -2 to hit and to all damage dealt during this time.
2    Repulsed. The human is nauseated and feels faint for 1d4 rounds, and suffers a -1 to hit and to all damage dealt during this time.
3-4    Indifferent. The human has no reaction and is able to converse with Tonya.
5    Intrigued. The human is curious about Tonya and/or her minions and Tonya will treat the human favorably with no attempts at deceit.
6    Charmed. The human is Charmed by Tonya and will do her bidding for 1d6 rounds. Her bidding usually has to do with extracting teeth from fellow humans. Additionally, the human will believe anything Tonya says during the charmed period.

Tonya favors humans and will act friendly to them regardless of their reaction to her.

Encountering Fey-like Creatures and Demihumans
Fey-like creatures and demihumans will immediately recognize Tonya's true form (and her minions as well). Because of the false rumors about tooth retrival, Tonya has a particular hatred for these creatures (especially fairies and hobgoblins) and will attack them on sight. She will even attempt to strangle their children as they sleep if offered the opportunity.

Tonya attacks with a whip-like lash from the tip of her tongue-like body, doing 1d8 lashing damage. Alternately, if a victim is within 9 feet, she can grab her victim in a toothy squeeze, inflicting 1d12 crushing damage and 1d6 biting damage from the embedded teeth.

Roughly 1 Week Left for the Conan Contest!

See the details on how to enter here!

Search & Replace Dungeon: The Cellar of the Whole Schmeer

Because Zak S. said so:

The Cellar of the Whole Schmeer

The sound of Orcus' Butter Churn is audible throughout if PCs enter through the north entrance. The ceilings are 7.354 feet high.

Check for wandering monsters every 3 game minutes or whenever PCs make a lot of noise, roll d10:

1-2 d6 Human scum

3-4 d4 Fungal Lizards (with keys to green locks)

5 1 Giant Collecting Carpenter Ant looking to kill PCs and steal their Marbles

6-10 Nothing

1 Stairs to surface/next level

2  Lovesick Mermaid. It is a foot tall & eerily beautiful. It is harmless. If unmolested, it will continue to roam the halls.

3 Fragments of a dazzling Gold Slime mosaic, very damaged, are here–a landscape with only a pair of white legs ending in hooves are visible so far.

Pieces of the mosaic can be found throughout the dungeon, and will fuse to the wall if placed on the mosaic.

The true form of the mosaic is of Gilgamesh of the Lizards on a horse–and assembling it will create a work of art worth PC level x 1000gp. However, it is possible to construct false forms by accident or design.

Existing mosaic+humanoid upper body = a demon. Orcus' Mother-in-Law in 75 will begin calling anyone present to it. Save vs spell.

Existing mosaic+missing front horse legs+human upper body = centaur. Each round, violent madness will be inflicted on whichever party member rolls the lowest on a d20 until they leave the room.

Missing pieces are in rooms 19, 87, 50

4 This Filth Goblin is intelligent & can speak but does not show it because it fears Dust. It seeks the Humerus of Vecna in room 21

5 Dead Fungal Lizard

6 Monster in 7 can be heard from here

7 Balrog That Shall Not Pass. It is too large to leave the room. Drinks from well

8 Three Fungal Lizards looking for the Archduchess of Hassenpfeffer's Kinda Slutty Daughter

9 Echoing corridor

10 Statue of Bob, the God of Lustful Clowns--vandalized. d6 dead Fungal Lizards with a War Snail here dead in the center of the triangle, apparently dragged from 25. The triangle will slowly devour them over the course of an hour, at which point the statue will come to life and seek out Orcus' Mother-in-Law in room 75.

11 Skunk Ape inside Orcus' Butter Churn

12 Nonfunctional Orcus' Butter Churn

13 Junk everywhere, vial of Urine Sample

14 As soon as the PCs enter this room the  WHOOOP-WHOOP Ambulance Sound Like the Klaxons on Police Cars in England That's Really Fucking Loud and Annyoing AND YOU CAN'T TALK OVER IT AT ALL EVEN IF YOU YELL will activate. A wizard will recognize the effect as a product of a special curse that can be removed on the request of a specific living master (The Whole Schmeer, a Sentient Wet Sandbox)

15 Kitchen. Pots, pans, the usual. There is a brick oven & a  small pantry closet. A halfling could fit in it.

16 This room is full of  Topps "Mars Attacks" Collector Cards that the The Whole Schmeer, a Sentient Wet Sandbox, has collected.

The columns here look weak and can be destroyed with 30 pts of damage. The ceiling will cave in.

17 2 identical statues. One made of Orange Peels, one made of Gold Slime.

18 There is a noseflute here worth 2500gp. Playing it for the first time will cause monster in room 7 to break out and crash through the rooms, collapsing the ceilings until it gets to the player.

19 Library. Full of Triple-wired Rat Brain Clusters and humanoid upper body mosaic pieces from the mosaic in room 3

20 Hall. 11 small portrait paintings. One of each of a Vegetarian Vampire's sisters. They
are worth d20 x 100gp to collectors with unusual tastes.

21 Paladin of Bob, the God of Lustful Clowns, fighting a Fungal Lizard wizard in desperate battle for the Humerus of Vecna. Worth 600gp.

22 Empty cells.

23 Old dining room. Three paintings here: each eight feet wide, worth 2000 gp each.

24 WC

25 Dying Priest of Bob, the God of Lustful Clowns, just finished pulling foes to room 10. Also, a
War Snail and the Whole Schmeer, a Sentient Wet Sandbox. It is disguised as Paramecium and will observe the PCs.

26  Owlbear with a dual PhD in History & Philology is here--it does not speak & obeys The Whole Schmeer, a Sentient Wet Sandbox. Owlbear with a dual PhD in History & Philology has (as always) hidden a key to room 67 in  the False Bottomed Statue of Freddie Mercury.

27 There is a cursed Lampshade. Any creature inspecting it will be afflicted by a desire to Running Away for 1d4 rounds.

28 Channel of Bile from south ends in a pool here

29 Channel down center of hallway filled with Bile;  a small smatter of semen is floating in it

30 Empty

31 Secret door activated by mechanism in room 85

32 Secret door activated by mechanism in room 85

33 Pool of Bile

34 Dead Froglings carrying diary, contains biographical details of Orish the Lich including its birthday

35  Plaid crystal formation. Anything Plaid that touches it will begin to vibrate unnaturally--the object will then reflect magic for one hour and then explode.

36 Walking into this room lowers steel bars where the green O's are and releases monster in 37.

37 Fire Troll in cage.

38 Orish the Lich's bedroom. If Orish the Lich is not in this room the (ordinary) doors will be locked.  Secret door: behind a Carpet--a thin crack will be visible. Room contains a make-up table (no mirror, of course), a canopy bed hung with velvet, (d12 x 100) gp worth of other trinkets. The bed, painting, Orish the Lich 's wardrobe, & the table are each worth (d12 x 100) gp. There is a Lip Gloss Stick with a Poison Needle trap under the bed containing 600 gp & locket with a small painting of Orish the Lich

39  Switch raises and lowers bars in rms 36-38

40 Child's bedroom. Belongs to Orish the Lich's daughter. Her remaining toys (dead puppies) are here.

41 Pit trap activated by door

42  Stone walls carved into the shape of The Lustful Clown.

43 Zombie Stormtroopers

44 Tarrasque with an MFA in Creative Nonfiction in cage. Sibling of Orish the Lich Gone mad long ago. She may aid the PCs if they convince her they can help her escape the dungeon. She hates Orish the Lich & will make any deal to be reunited with her, but again, will turn on anyone aware of her existence immediately afterward.

45 Anything made of Orange Peels placed on the altar will be transformed into Gold Slime. Any Methane Gas in the circle or crossing it will be transformed into Tears of a Dying Sun

46 Texts sacred to religion of The Lustful Clown

47 Puzzle room: Whores, Potscrubbers, and Lawyers are sacred to this religion. A magic mask asks 3 questions only members of those professions, respectively, would know. Wrong answers = Wondertwins Power Activation and it emits a Dad fart on a camping trip

48 Statue of a creature of Methane Gas. An Archpriest of Bob, the God of Lustful Clownsis here. (PC level x 1000 gp worth of gold flake on statue.)

49 Murals depicting Gilgamesh and betrayal by Babe the Blue Ox

50 Tombs. d6 Priests of Bob, the God of Lustful Clowns. Fragment of mosaic in room 3 showing horse head and humanoid lower body in a saddle.

51 Tombs. Vial: Substance repels Weasels

52 Tomb of Gilgamesh

53 Mouldering skeleton of hero's traitorous ally Testicle of Isis

54 d6 Zombie Stormtroopers guarding sacrifice chamber. They have keys to the cage in room 55.

55 Pit trap. Apparently a Spider Goat in a cage. Is actually a Psychopathic Wizard. It is looking for the Filth Goblin because it betrayed her.

56 Prayer room, distinctive to Bob, the God of Lustful Clowns

57 Prayer room, distinctive to Bob, the God of Lustful Clowns

58 2 dead Zombie Stormtroopers

59 2 dead Zombie Stormtroopers --one muttering "The Froglings , the Froglings " shattered manacles on the floor.

60 2 Zombie Stormtroopers  guarding the entrance to room 61

61  Sword of Ultimate Swording and the Shield of WONDEROUS DEATH being examined by 3 Zombie Stormtroopers. Room is full of Dynamite submerged in a barrel of Liquid Nitrogen

62 Giant Collecting Carpenter Ant. A pile of its eggs obscure the door to the north. Two Triple-wired Rat Brain Clusters containing the information about who really killed J.R. are hidden under the pile.

63 Full of Marbles collected by a giant Collecting Carpenter Ant

64 Well, rusty water. Dead adventurers. Burned spellbook. Partially accurate formula for Make Whoopee remains. Failed int check indicates Masturbate in Public

65 Door to north opens easily, door to east seems old and stuck.

66 The Great Saarlac room.  Owlbear with a dual PhD in History & Philology throws organic waste into this room.. The Great Saarlac covers the entire room, including the wall, obscuring the locked, unpickable secret door there.

67 Umber Hulk with a Masters in Social Work. It knows all about the The Whole Schmeer, a Sentient Wet Sandbox, which is why The Whole Schmeer, a Sentient Wet Sandbox has had the Owlbear with a dual PhD in History & Philology wall it up in a secret chamber. The Whole Schmeer, a Sentient Wet Sandbox keeps it alive Refusal of Marriage Proposal

68 Murals, int check to read, glyphs and pictograms seem to refer to Gold Slime and Tears of a Dying Sun

69 Empty or stairs to surface/next level

70 Quiet room.

71 Prison Contains d10+10 victims of Orish the Lich. A variety of sentient species
are represented as well as a few celebrated & high-level missing persons.

72 Door is large, impressive and locked. Picking is at half chance.

73 Throne room of King/Queen of Lizards . Long dead Lizards

74  Godling Genitalia guarded by The Honey Trap

75 Orcus' Mother-in-Law It has been trapped here by a mystic seal on the secret door by The Whole Schmeer, a Sentient Wet Sandbox and seeks revenge.

76 Clearly a room once built by the Lizard culture.

77 Contains various instruments of Buffalo Prairie

78 Disused Buffalo Prairie room. Orish the Lich was having experiments conducted until capture of Archduchess of Hassenpfeffer's Kinda Slutty Daughter made them unnecessary. Froglings assassin seeking Archduchess of Hassenpfeffer's Kinda Slutty Daughter

79 Disused Buffalo Prairie room d4 Human scum

80 Disused Buffalo Prairie room Blood, remains of Human scum

81 d8 Human scum

82 Statue of Bob, the God of Lustful Clowns

83 d10 Zombie Stormtroopers plus Flailsnails on Meth

84 Orish the Lich d4 Jay & Silent Bobs,  The Old "Pull My Finger" Trap experimenting with Tears of a Dying Sun. Huge dead Spider Goat conceals secret door.

85 Cage containing mechanical model of universe, rotating planets into proper position for the day opens secret door in room 31, rotating them onto Orish the Lich 's birthday opens secret door in room 32

86  Pool of Bile

87 Archduchess of Hassenpfeffer's Kinda Slutty Daughter just escaped, hiding from the assassin in room 78. Also, the missing front horse legs from mosaic in room 3

88 Walls carved with scenes dedicated to Bob, the God of Lustful Clowns depicting members of the following professions: Whore, Potscrubber, Lawyer--all kneeling. Careful inspection reveals that carving is not wholly original and the figures have been repurposed. There is a monster with a huge mouth where the secret door to 73-76 is.

Petty Goddess: Curdle, Petty Goddess of Blind Milk Maids

Name: Curdle, Petty Goddess of Blind Milk Maids
Symbol: A three-legged milking stool
Alignment: Chaotic (good)
Movement: 30’ (15’)
Armor Class: -1
Hit Points (Hit Dice): 8 + 7
Attacks: 1 whip + Special
Damage: 1d6 + 2d6 fire damage (+ special; see description)
Save: F7
Morale: 7
Hoard Class: XXII
XP: 1, 820

Curdle, the Petty Goddess of Blind Milk Maids, appears as a young blind and mute girl wearing a purple skirt leading an emaciated cow which has open, dripping ulcers visible on its face and flanks. The girl is tragically beautiful, her eyeless sockets scarred and her face pock-marked with acne sores, her nostril hair in need of a trim, and her hair in desperate need of a de-burring. She calls the cow “Cowie” (in sign) and they are a symbiotic pair.

Curdle and Cowie will appear only to those parties with pack animals among their ranks, and then only once per year will they appear on the material plane. The pair tend to appear at dusk near a forest’s edge while travelers make camp. They will wander into camp as if having come over some nearby hillock, and the girl will produce a milking stool from beneath her skirts, sit down, and begin to milk the cow. She does not catch the milk in a pail, but allows the fluid that emerges to fall on the ground. The "milk" is a thick, inky-black substance that writhes on the ground and smokes (but does not burst into flame).

Anyone touching this liquid as it twists on the ground will experience 2d6 of burning damage. Any character attempting to drink this "milk" before it hits the ground must make a Save vs. Sanity. Failure means the character removes all armor and weapons and runs away screaming gibberish for 1d6 rounds (which might attract nearby monsters).

Should the character make a successful save while attempting to drink this liquid, the black milk of Curdle’s cow will allow the character to go 1d8 days without rations and also allows them to heal at twice the normal rate during that time period.

Should Curdle and/or Cowie be attacked, they will first attempt to flee into the nearby open pasture in order to  teleport back to their plane of existence. If they are forced to attack, Curdle will attack as a standard order demon, using the inky black “milk” as a whip and her milk stool as a shield. Any successful hit with the whip does normal 1d6 damage plus 2d6 fire damage. Cowie will attack with a head-butt or rear-legged kick, doing 1d6 damage. Curdle and Cowie will take turns attacking.

Curdle is most pleased with an offering of a cup of real milk from a cow, goat, or horse, and there is a 30% chance she will kiss the eyes of any single adventurer who offers her such. Her kiss acts as a spell of True Seeing that lasts for 1d6 weeks.

Petty God: Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound

Name: Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound
Symbol: A cracked mirror dripping three drops of water
Alignment: Chaotic (good)
Movement: 90’ (30’)
Armor Class: -5
Hit Points (Hit Dice):
125 (21 HD)
Attacks: 2 + special
Damage: 2d8 + special
Save: F19
Morale: 12
Hoard Class: X
XP: 13, 000

Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound, is the petty god of magic mirror portals. Ywehbobbobhewy's manifestations occur in churning or disturbed waters, fragments of shattered mirrors, and deep thoughts that should not be thought. He appears as a pulsing mass of a thousand-eyed fleshy, clawed, tentacle-like appendages and grinning toothy mouths cackling with maniacal laughter. Ywehbobbobhewy’s most ardent worshipers and servants come from the most learned of the learned ranks: those who have glimpsed the divine without divine assistance and have been driven mad by what they have glimpsed. Sociopaths and/or academics, in other words.

Ywehbobbobhewy is never surprised by opponents and attacks only upon being attacked; he attacks by casting shards of glass from his fleshy appendages, which do 2d8 damage, with a 20% chance that a successful hit teleports the attacker to the nearest large body of water.

Ywehbobbobhewy can only be struck by +2 or better weapons. He is resistant to attacks by normal and magical fire, and any such attacks will result in a fuckton of steam billowing back on the attacker, inflicting as many hit points of damage as Ywehbobbobhewy has remaining (the victim/s may save versus breath attack for half damage).

However, this petty god would rather woo and/or taunt attackers and send them on impossible quests (such as to retrieve a vial of a demon lord’s tears, to command the tide to cease its churning, etc.). Should the questers be successful, Ywehbobbobhewy will richly reward them for their cunning.

Ywehbobbobhewy will only bless or curse a mortal being with a sacrifice that he deems worthy of such a request. Ywehbobbobhewy is most pleased with offerings of thoughtless thoughts and good intentions, but savors the flesh of priests of Churfaz the Maggot-King as the most delectable of offerings. Ywehbobbobhewy’s blessings act as a +3 bonus to all saving throws for a 24 hour period. His curses work as a -3 penalty to all saving throws for 48 hours.

The Dark Moon festival is held in Ywehbobbobhewy's honor every fourteenth year. Although outlawed in many kingdoms and empires, in rural villages the rites of male virgin sacrifice and blood debauchery are practiced on this darkest of nights. It is said that only on this night will Ywehbobbobhewy himself assume human form and walk among his worshipers, most often appearing as a one-eyed, lute-playing hunchbacked midget accompanied by a two-legged bald cat which rides on his shoulders. If he is attacked while in this form, he has the ability to cast any single Cleric spell, but his most favored are Quest, Symbol, and Destruction and the defender gets no save. The cat does not attack.

Ywehbobbobhewy Reaction Table (2d6)

2        Friendly: Will bless 1d6 targets without a proper sacrifice
3-5     Indifferent: Will bless 1d6 targets with proper sacrifice
6-8     Neutral: Will attempt to woo target with highest Charisma score
9-11   Unfriendly: Teleports 1d6 targets to middle of largest nearby body of water
12      Hostile: Casts Destruction on 1d6 targets

Thursday, March 7, 2013

SOTU:E & Roman F-Troop Adventures

Searchers of the Unknown: Expanded edition, found in this thread on

XVI Troop, by Cygnus over at Servitor Ludi. This is an F-Troop meets the Roman Empire adventure supplement for any edition of TSR-era D&D and related retro-clones, set in the Roman border fort of Vindolanda.

Don't forget to enter the Conan contest! Feel free to spread the news on Facebook and Google+. I'm not into social media other than blogging, so I'd appreciate it!

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

By Crom! A Conan Contest!

EDIT: Just a few hours, left folks! Send your entry to:

 mwschmeer AT gmail DOT com

NEW CONTEST DEADLINE: You now have until 11:59:59 PM on April 7th to get your entry in!

So I ordered this book used from

Conan: The Ultimate Guide to the Worlds' Most Savage Barbarian, by Roy Thomas (DK Publishing, 2006).

But when it arrived and I started flipping through it, I found that pages 74 through 83 were bound upside down and backwards!

I complained to the seller and he refunded my money because the book had a manufacturing defect and wasn't "perfect" as advertised (Amazon is pretty strict about this stuff for third party sellers). The dude was cool and told me to keep the book, as he had picked it up for pennies on the dollar at a warehouse sale. So then I ordered another copy of the book and that one was all hunky-dory in the binding department.

Yet now I have two copies of this book. And, really, I only need one. What to do . . . what to do . . .


Write a Conan-themed adventure for OD&D, Holmes D&D, 1e AD&D, B/X D&D, BECMI D&D, or one of their popular retroclones. DCC RPG is cool, too.

One Page Dungeons are great but even better are multi-page modules, sprawling hex-crawls, and mini-campaign gazetteers. Every entry will be judged on its own merit by me.

Extra consideration will be given to entries which put the PCs in some sort of "upside down" position.

The winner will get the flawed Conan book.

But like Conan, there can be only one: there will be one and only one prize awarded (unless people want to donate some prizes or something).

The catch: all submissions will eventually be posted on this website on the downloads page. I intend to publish these submissions as a free series for the RPG community. The most gonzo one might even make its way into the zine I'm slowly cobbling together. If you want to opt out of having me give your work away to everyone, mention it in your submission email.

All adventures should be submitted as a Microsoft Word file, an Open Office Document, or PDF via email to me at mwschmeer AT gmail DOT com by midnight on March 31st CST. I will make my decision during the first week of April and post the results on this blog.

NEW DEADLINE: You now have until 11:59:59 PM on April 7th to get your entry in!

EDIT: Just a few hours, left folks! Send your entry to:

 mwschmeer AT gmail DOT com

Monday, March 4, 2013

Man, I Really Dig

The fine folks over at have some great resources. Sure, they are meant for Hârn, but with a little creativity they are easily adapted to any D&D-ish RPG.

Here's one great example:

I tried to make this into a booklet, but the print was too damn small too read.

Abriel Abbey is an 18-page PDF (plus 2 maps & a cover file) available for free (as in free beer) that details a theological center and its inhabitants. I heartily recommend you go check this out.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Hey there, handsome!

Brave Halfling Publishing recently released Dagger: Supplemental Rules for Classic Roleplaying with Kids. It comes in two flavors, a free version and one that costs a buck which includes color covers and a better layout. Haven't played it with my kids yet, but hope to do so soon.

Does the cover art look familiar? It should. That's Mark Allen's cover for Brave Halfling's version of the S&W Whitebox, repurposed. I love that artwork. I even found a nice, high resolution version of it over at Lawful Indifferent:

Click to embiggen to 920 x 1387

I like this so much I had it as my desktop wallpaper for a long time, centered on a sea of black.

Yeah, this is what you think it is: a fan-edit of the Chainmail rules, cleaned up with a nice cover. Can't reveal the link, sorry. Don't worry, I'm sure will have this sometime soon.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Tenkar Asked . . .

Erik asked what game was our intro to roleplaying. For me, it was this one in 1983:

But then when I started playing with a group, they were using AD&D mixed with Holmes, so I backslid to this one:

Later, I delved into 1e AD&D and OD&D and then left the hobby for about twenty years.

When I came back to the hobby I settled on this version for the basic game:

Although I also own this one just for shits and grins:

Another Bookface Installment

DCC RPG Reference Sheets + awesome cover by Rev. Dak, from People Them With Monsters.

People Them With Monsters' houserules for DCC RPG: Outland Player's Reference Booklet. This one needs a cool cover. Gorgonmilk, get on it STAT!

Another set of houserules, this time for Swords & Wizardry. Runes & Radiations [Edited], by Roberto Pacini. Originally found on this thread at the ODD74 forums.

Dragons of the North, by Paul Elliot, another houserules document, this time for Basic D&D. Originally found in this post on