Showing posts from March, 2013


TODAY IS THE LAST DAY TO ENTER THE CONAN CONTEST! All entries must be in by 11:59:59 pm CDT! Come on, guys! There's only been 1 entry so far. Don't let that evil genius win by default! NEW DEADLINE!

Bob the Cat

Bob the Cat (minion of Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound) Alignment: Chaotic (neutral) Movement: 60’ (20’) Armor Class: 5 Hit Points (Hit Dice):   49 (9) Attacks: 2 (1 bite or breath weapon) + special Damage: 1d10/ 4d4 + special Save: F19 Morale: 12 Hoard Class: N/A XP:   3,100 Bob the Cat is a two-legged bald cat that rides on the shoulders of Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, etc., etc. , when His Lordship manifests as a one-eyed, lute-playing hunchbacked midget during the Dark Moon Festival and other high holy days. Bob the Cat is slightly larger than a normal domestic housecat, and is able to talk in pidgen Common, although he is fluent in Goblin & Dwarvish.  He has a particularly dirty mind and is constantly barking sexual innuendos at passersby. His cackling mews are also highly disturbing. Bob the Cat's leg configurations never manifest in the same manner: sometimes he has two front legs, sometimes two b

The Mooks of Verthish

The Mooks of Verthish When the Jale God appears as Verthish , he's often accompanied by several mooks. The mooks are divided into two gangs called The Odds & The Evens, and a pair of siblings, The Vertix Twins,  who work alone. Roll 1d6 to determine which mooks are accompanying Verthish: 1-2    The Odds 3-4    The Vertix Twins 5-6    The Evens THE MOOKS 1  - Stinkeye  (Even) 12th Level Fighter, male An extra-strong warrior whose right arm is solid iron (treat as +2 Warhammer),  Stinkeye has one eye like Verthish and reeks of garlic & leeks. Oddly, he's highly allergic to both. He wears a Cloak of Stealth and despises blacksmiths. 2 - Doose (Odd) 10th Level Thief, Female Once a Mallard hen living in a pond in the Kingdom of Inninnouta, the Jale God turned him into a man on a bet with Sooka, the Petty God of Boiled Duck Eggs. Doose is wicked-fast with a knife blade and likes to stab cheaters in the back before they know what's happening. She's covere

Tetskuize the Demoralizer

Tetskuize the Demoralizer 18th Level Lich (formerly a Cleric of Curdle, the Petty Goddess of Blind Milk Maids ) Alignment: Chaotic (good) Movement: 60’ (20’) Armor Class: 0 Hit Points (Hit Dice): 67 (12+) Attacks: 1 (fire touch) Damage: 1d10 fire damage Save: C18 Morale: 9 Hoard Class: XXII XP: 4, 400 Once the High Priestess of the Order of Amelkin, which is dedicated to the worship of Curdle, the Petty Goddess of Blind Milk Maids , Tetskuize met her mortal demise at the hands of the mad wizard Wälläkatüntün during the Flame Wars of Jubrini. Called "the Demoralizer" for the way she would scold novices of the order, Tetskuize was responsible for spreading the worship of Curdle beyond the clans of the Felsden Wastes to the majority of the known realms. She achieved this mostly by imposing strict curfews on milkers of the order and bans on avarian protocooperation and musical pageants among the milking herds, especially the dwarf aurochs, dun cows,  and

Nipleteth the Wise

Nipleteth the Wise, Head Priestess of Curdle, the Petty Goddess of Blind Milk Maids 15th Level Cleric STR: 10 DEX: 10 CON:  9 INT: 17 WIS: 16 CHA: 16 XP earned: 80,001 Alignment: Chaotic (good) Movement: 30’ (15’) Armor Class: 0 Hit Points (Hit Dice): 42 Attacks: 2 (1 whipfire + special) Damage: 1d6 + 2d6 fire damage / special Treasure: 14100 cp, 1480 sp, 147 ep, 1197 gp, 42 pp (only 50 sp on person) Spellbook: Lvl 1: Cure Light Wounds, Detect Evil, Detect Magic, Light, Protection From Evil, Purify Food and Drink, Remove Fear Lvl 2: Bless, Find Traps, Hold Person, Silence 15' Radius, Snake Charm, Speak with Animal Lvl 3: Continual Light, Cure Disease, Dispel Magic, Remove Curse, Striking Lvl 4: Cure Serious Wounds, Detect Lie, Protection from Evil 10' Radius, Neutralize Poison Lvl 5: Cure Critical Wounds, Dispel Evil, Flame Strike, Quest Lvl 6: Heal, Find the Path, Part Water Lvl 7: Restoration The twelve year old daughter of poor herders in the

Mouthless Tongues (Minions of Tonya, Petty Goddess of Children's Teeth)

Mouthless Tongues (Minions of Tonya, Petty Goddess of Children's Teeth ) No. Encountered: 1–2 (up to 1,000+ in lairs) AL: Chaotic (neutral) MV: 10' (5') AC: 10 HD: 1 (5 HP each) #AT: NA DM: NA THAC0: 18 SV: F1 ML: 5 XP: 5 HC : XIII Treasure: 1–5 cp each / child's tooth Mouthless Tongues are the devoted minions of Tonya, Petty Goddess of Children's Teeth , and they are tasked with retrieving teeth from and delivering payment to the undersides of children's pillows. Mouthless Tongues are 3-to-4-inch long sentient tongues which resemble fleshy pink slugs. They worm their way across the ground in a manner mechanically similar to the inch worm locomotion. They are eyeless and mouthless, absorbing nutrients from their environment to survive. Each Mouthless Tongue has a small fleshy pocket on the underside of its "foot" which is used to carry small coins or children's teeth. Roll 1d6 to determine what the Mouthless Tongue

The Balanced Quarterstaff

An Item for the Divine Items Appendix . The Balanced Quarterstaff (Unique) Alignment: Chaotic Lawful XP Value: 9,000 Balanced is a +3 quasi-intelligent bonewood quarterstaff belonging to Verthish, the Petty God of Single Pips , who himself is a manifestation of the Jale God . The staff itself is carved from a stout, 8-foot-long branch of bonewood harvested from the tree of the hamadryad Phersenia in the forest of Bulahdelah. Eons ago in his youth, the Jale God became enamored with Phersenia. As she was bound by the laws of the gods to her tree, he knew they could never rule together. As a token of his esteem, he sent his protection over her forest until her death during the Flame Wars of Jubrini. He created the staff from the remains of her tree in remembrance of her beauty and her desire to "see the world beyond the green." The staff now houses the only remaining slice of the soul of the wizard Wälläkatüntün, collected from the battlefield by the Jale God centu

The Dagger of Fairness

An Item for the Divine Items Appendix . The Dagger Fairness (Unique) Alignment: Chaotic Lawful XP Value: 3,000 Fairness is a +3 dagger owned by Verthish, the Petty God of Single Pips , who himself is a manifestation of the Jale God . Fairness was created from the scavenged remains of a finger joint from the giant iron golem which housed the brain of the wizard Wälläkatüntün before the wizard's final destruction by Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound , at the Battle of the Waters of Kirkadi. Due to Wälläkatüntün's lifelong dedication to the study of inter-dimensional dice probability and alchemical mechanics, the Jale God commanded the creation of Fairness in tribute. Because the laws of probability are immutable, Fairness dispenses an additional +3 against cheaters at dice games. After 1d4 weeks out of Verthish's possession, the weapon loses its magical ability and becomes a normal dagger. It can regain its abiliti

Verthish, an aspect of the Jale God for Petty Gods

Greg emailed me special, so I responded. Here's my aspect of the Jale God : Name: Verthish, Petty God of Single Pips Symbol: A pair of dice rolled snake-eyes Alignment: Lawful Movement: 30' (15') Armor Class: -3 Hit Points (Hit Dice): 84 (9 HD +12) Attacks: 2 + special Damage: 1d4 +3(6) /  1d6 +3  / Special Save: F12 Morale: 12 Hoard Class:   VII XP: 5,600 Verthish appears in the crowd during games of chance involving dice. He usually manifests as an aged, long haired, one-eyed man wearing a brown cloak armed only with a dagger and carrying a white staff. To all outward appearances, he is normal human rabble who likes to gamble. He will wager large sums on the outcomes of the games themselves rather than participating in the games. He is impressed with those who act hastily and recklessly in pursuit of high stake gambles and on occasion will manipulate the outcome of the dice in their favor even if it means a financial loss for himself. He abhor

Quickie Bookface

Well hey there! Space-Age Sorcery from Hereticwerks & Needles & Porky . Definitely a must read. The names of some of these spells are hilarious while the effects are anything but. Plus there are three bonus d6 tables at the back! I'm going to have to print this cover in color because it's just pretty like that.

Updated: My Petty Gods Compilation Post

UPDATE 2013-04-16 I've moved all my internal Petty Gods project links to their own page: My Petty God Mythos .

Tonya, Petty Goddess of Children's Teeth

Inspired by this image by Jengabean: Tonya, by Jengabean   Name: Tonya, Petty Goddess of Children's Teeth Symbol: A Child's Incisor Alignment: Chaotic (neutral) Movement: 30’ (15‘) Armour Class: 4 Hit Dice: 8 Attacks: 1 tentacle/2 toothy squeeze Damage: 1d8 lash / 1d12 crushing damage + 1d6 bite) Save: F78 Morale: 11 Hoard Class: XXI XP: 5,600 Tonya, Petty Goddess of Children's Teeth, appears as a 15 foot tall tongue embedded with the missing teeth of thousands of children arranged scale-like across her frontside. She has no features beside her red pulsing body and the teeth, and she communicates via telepathy and other psionic means. Tonya was banished to the material plane by Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound for attempting to steal the teeth of his favored daughter, Curdle, the Petty Goddess of Blind Milk Maids. She now spends her time plotting ways to get back into Ywehbobbobhewy's good gra

Roughly 1 Week Left for the Conan Contest!

See the details on how to enter here!

Search & Replace Dungeon: The Cellar of the Whole Schmeer

Because Zak S. said so: The Cellar of the Whole Schmeer The sound of Orcus' Butter Churn is audible throughout if PCs enter through the north entrance. The ceilings are 7.354 feet high. Check for wandering monsters every 3 game minutes or whenever PCs make a lot of noise, roll d10: 1-2 d6 Human scum 3-4 d4 Fungal Lizards (with keys to green locks) 5 1 Giant Collecting Carpenter Ant looking to kill PCs and steal their Marbles 6-10 Nothing 1 Stairs to surface/next level 2  Lovesick Mermaid. It is a foot tall & eerily beautiful. It is harmless. If unmolested, it will continue to roam the halls. 3 Fragments of a dazzling Gold Slime mosaic, very damaged, are here–a landscape with only a pair of white legs ending in hooves are visible so far. Pieces of the mosaic can be found throughout the dungeon, and will fuse to the wall if placed on the mosaic. The true form of the mosaic is of Gilgamesh of the Lizards on a horse–and assembling it will create a wor

Petty Goddess: Curdle, Petty Goddess of Blind Milk Maids

Name: Curdle, Petty Goddess of Blind Milk Maids Symbol: A three-legged milking stool Alignment: Chaotic (good) Movement: 30’ (15’) Armor Class: -1 Hit Points (Hit Dice): 8 + 7 Attacks: 1 whip + Special Damage: 1d6 + 2d6 fire damage (+ special; see description) Save: F7 Morale: 7 Hoard Class: XXII XP: 1, 820 Curdle, the Petty Goddess of Blind Milk Maids , appears as a young blind and mute girl wearing a purple skirt leading an emaciated cow which has open, dripping ulcers visible on its face and flanks. The girl is tragically beautiful, her eyeless sockets scarred and her face pock-marked with acne sores, her nostril hair in need of a trim, and her hair in desperate need of a de-burring. She calls the cow “Cowie” (in sign) and they are a symbiotic pair. Curdle and Cowie will appear only to those parties with pack animals among their ranks, and then only once per year will they appear on the material plane. The pair tend to appear at dusk near a forest’s edge while

Petty God: Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound

Name: Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound Symbol: A cracked mirror dripping three drops of water Alignment: Chaotic (good) Movement: 90’ (30’) Armor Class: -5 Hit Points (Hit Dice): 125 (21 HD) Attacks: 2 + special Damage: 2d8 + special Save: F19 Morale: 12 Hoard Class: X XP: 13, 000 Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound , is the petty god of magic mirror portals. Ywehbobbobhewy's manifestations occur in churning or disturbed waters, fragments of shattered mirrors, and deep thoughts that should not be thought. He appears as a pulsing mass of a thousand-eyed fleshy, clawed, tentacle-like appendages and grinning toothy mouths cackling with maniacal laughter. Ywehbobbobhewy’s most ardent worshipers and servants come from the most learned of the learned ranks: those who have glimpsed the divine without divine assistance and have been driven mad by what they have glimpsed. Soci

SOTU:E & Roman F-Troop Adventures

Searchers of the Unknown: Expanded edition , found in this thread on XVI Troop , by Cygnus over at Servitor Ludi . This is an F-Troop meets the Roman Empire adventure supplement for any edition of TSR-era D&D and related retro-clones, set in the Roman border fort of Vindolanda . Don't forget to enter the Conan contest ! Feel free to spread the news on Facebook and Google+. I'm not into social media other than blogging, so I'd appreciate it!

By Crom! A Conan Contest!

EDIT: Just a few hours, left folks! Send your entry to:  mwschmeer AT gmail DOT com NEW CONTEST DEADLINE: You now have until 11:59:59 PM on April 7th to get your entry in! So I ordered this book used from Conan: The Ultimate Guide to the Worlds' Most Savage Barbarian, by Roy Thomas (DK Publishing, 2006). But when it arrived and I started flipping through it, I found that pages 74 through 83 were bound upside down and backwards! I complained to the seller and he refunded my money because the book had a manufacturing defect and wasn't "perfect" as advertised (Amazon is pretty strict about this stuff for third party sellers). The dude was cool and told me to keep the book, as he had picked it up for pennies on the dollar at a warehouse sale. So then I ordered another copy of the book and that one was all hunky-dory in the binding department. Yet now I have two copies of this book. And, really, I only need one. What to do . . . what to

Man, I Really Dig

The fine folks over at have some great resources. Sure, they are meant for Hârn , but with a little creativity they are easily adapted to any D&D-ish RPG. Here's one great example: I tried to make this into a booklet, but the print was too damn small too read. Abriel Abbey is an 18-page PDF (plus 2 maps & a cover file) available for free (as in free beer) that details a theological center and its inhabitants. I heartily recommend you go check this out.

Hey there, handsome!

Brave Halfling Publishing recently released Dagger: Supplemental Rules for Classic Roleplaying with Kids . It comes in two flavors, a free version and one that costs a buck which includes color covers and a better layout. Haven't played it with my kids yet, but hope to do so soon. Does the cover art look familiar? It should. That's Mark Allen's cover for Brave Halfling's version of the S&W Whitebox, repurposed. I love that artwork. I even found a nice, high resolution version of it over at Lawful Indifferent : Click to embiggen to 920 x 1387 I like this so much I had it as my desktop wallpaper for a long time, centered on a sea of black. Yeah, this is what you think it is: a fan-edit of the Chainmail rules, cleaned up with a nice cover. Can't reveal the link, sorry. Don't worry, I'm sure will have this sometime soon.

Tenkar Asked . . .

Erik asked what game was our intro to roleplaying . For me, it was this one in 1983: But then when I started playing with a group, they were using AD&D mixed with Holmes, so I backslid to this one: Later, I delved into 1e AD&D and OD&D and then left the hobby for about twenty years. When I came back to the hobby I settled on this version for the basic game: Although I also own this one just for shits and grins:

Another Bookface Installment

DCC RPG Reference Sheets + awesome cover by Rev. Dak , from People Them With Monsters . People Them With Monsters' houserules for DCC RPG: Outland Player's Reference Booklet . This one needs a cool cover. Gorgonmilk, get on it STAT! Another set of houserules, this time for Swords & Wizardry . Runes & Radiations [Edited] , by Roberto Pacini. Originally found on this thread at the ODD74 forums . Dragons of the North , by Paul Elliot, another houserules document, this time for Basic D&D. Originally found in this post on .