Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Petty Gods: Grampajack, Grand High Jester of the Court of the Petty Gods

Richard LeBlanc posted another speed round challenge:


Grampajack
Grand High Jester of the Court of the Petty Gods

No. Encountered: 1 (unique)
Alignment: Lawful
Movement: 120' (40')
Armor Class: -1
Hit Dice: 8 + 5
Attacks: 1 + Special
Damage: 1d8 + Special
Save: F15
Morale: 10
Hoard Class: X
XP: 1,500

Although he appears to be nothing more than an old man's head trailing his entrails behind him, Grampajack is a favored servitor of the entire petty god pantheon.

He was once a mortal named Gyffry Chadinfroyd, first mate on the interplanar pirate ship Queenscow. Known for his quick wit and sharp tongue, he died during the Flame Wars of Jubrini, an unfortunate victim of friendly fire. As he passed from the material plane, the Jale God snagged his soul and housed it in a discarded penanggalan skin, granted him limited immortality, and made him a jester at the court of the petty gods. He has worked his way up to the position Grand High Jester (mostly due to the deaths of his predecessors).

He is said to be the best Grand High Jester the petty gods have ever had; the gods are keen to retain his services and do not take kindly to threats against his well-being. It is said that the best and funniest obscenities were invented by Grampajack and dispersed throughout the realms by the petty gods repeating them to give their cultists a kick, and so even gods who war and grumble on other issues are united in their fondness of Grampajack. He is savvy to all the comings and goings of the petty gods but knows none of their secrets for sure (there's a 10% chance what he knows is true).

As the Grand High Jester, Grampajack delivers unfortunate truths wrapped in witticisms about court life. He enjoys puns and riddles and usually speaks in gloating sarcasm. He delights in making fun of others, pulling linguistic practical jokes, and often indulges in soul-scathing vulgar wordplay. He often makes self-deprecating jokes about his own appearance. He can speak all tongues verbally and telepathically and can cuss a like a sailor in all of them. It is said he once made a porcupine laugh so hard it molted its quills and was molested by a beaver and thus ferrets were created.

PCs encountering Grampajack must make a Save vs. Sanity; failure results in the PC being so revolted at his appearance that they flee in terror. He will gladly converse with PCs as long as no petty gods or other minions are present. Grampajack enjoys the company of dwarves; there is a 20% chance he will talk straight with a dwarf (and only dwarves), putting aside his jocular ways to telepathically converse in a secret dwarven tongue (Boar Dwarvish). Grampajack is often attended by three or four castrated albino Laughing Cocks of Hellish Mirth.

If attacked, his first weapon is language; he will attempt to disable the PCs with laughter. PCs must make a Save vs. Spells or be struck with mindless mirth for 1d4 days. They cannot rest or sleep during this period, and spells invoking such have no effect; they can eat and drink, but risk soiling themselves if they do so.

If the verbal attacks fail, Grampajack's tongue will unfurl to the length of a 20-foot whip that does 1d8 damage; on a successful hit, victims must Save vs. Paralysis or suffer an additional 1d4 acidic damage. After three successful acid attacks, the victim becomes paralyzed by an apoplectic fit of laughter with a 25% chance of suffering a stroke resulting in immediate death.

Normal weapons have no effect on Grampajack. He is immune to all first through fourth level spells (inclusive). Silver or mithril weapons do half-damage.

"By the tickling beard of Grampajack" is a common oath heard in dwarven gambling dens throughout the realms.