Underworld Lore Slang, Part 2

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More dungeoneer slang for Underworld Lore. I tried to get all the way through the alphabet, but ran out of steam:

Arseclench. A small, fist-sized passageway connecting two caverns; "Well, I can see the room through this here arseclench, but we can't get in there from here unless you got a shrinking potion or something."

Beandipper. One who eats only beans while dungeoneering and thus makes the rest of the party suffer their unending flatulence; i.e. "Next time, Wankle can be the doorman. That beandipper is driving me nuts."

Crassling. Any party member who can't stop cracking jokes at another party member's expense. Ex: "Tara's getting sick of that crassling's comments about the size of her treasure sack."

Dwarven Glory Hole. Any crack or crevice in a natural cavern that contains easy access to a flaky vein of insignificantly minor amounts of mithril, silver, or gold. Usu. considered derogatory. Example: "We spent three days down there and we don't even have enough coin to fill a frumping' dwarven glory hole!"

Erf. Hollow-sounding natural cave walls that aren't actually hollow; i.e. "I've checked this whole wall for a secret passage but it's nothing but erf."

Frumping like Framkin. Running into an unexplored cave, assessing its occupants, and then immediately turning around and running out to hide behind the adventuring party. So named after Framkin Framlish, a legendary 0-level human hireling who lived to be 76. Example: "I knew that mummy had to be shambling somewhere around the main tomb, so I frumped like Framkin through those halls."

Gnockersquee. the sound a goblin makes when it's cut in half by surprise, e.g. "That one sure let out a loud gnockersquee before he died, didn't he?"

Handsome Jack. Stalagmite, esp. one resembling a phallus (see also Pervy Elf).

Hrrbrr. The low, pulsing sound of a giant purple worm tunneling nearby.

Irby (plural, -ies). Naturally occurring cairn-like piles of round, potato-sized stone, i.e. "Right inside the face, you'll see about three or four irbies; make sure to take a stone or two for luck before heading down into the cave!"

Jaxon. Rabbit bones used to flavor stews. Ex. "Put a few of those jaxons you saved in the pot; the marrow'll flavor up the beans right nice."

Kloon. The inexplicable appearance of an above-ground feature in a dungeon, i.e.: "Don't think about why the tree is here. It's a friggin's kloon! Just think about how nice it is to finally find some firefood."

Kobold Squats. Stomach jitters caused by a near miss, usu. accompanied by the desire but inability to void one's bowels; i.e. "I've had a bad case of the kobold squats since that rock slide."

Lichlick. Any naturally occurring salt deposit: "Scrape some salt off that lichlick--these beans need a little flavoring."

Marlosh. The mushy, not-quite-mud, not-quite-watery quicksand-like substance that makes up the binding agent in an owlbear's freshly regurgitated waste pellet. Named after Harkin Marlosh, who surprised an owlbear in mid-vomit in Quaston's Caverns back in 823.

Nice Easy. Any level, flat floor clear of debris and obstacles.

Oompah. Pipeweed that can be scavenged from corpse and still be smoked. Ex.: "That halfling's corpse had a nice wad of Bertleshire oompah tucked in a vest pocket--it'd be a shame to let it rot down here."

Pervy Elf. Stalactite, esp. those resembling a phallus (see also Handsome Jack); i.e., "That part of the cave is nothing but handsome jacks and pervy elves for about fifty feet before it clears out to a nice easy."

Quersh. To loudly attempt to hush the party;  "Framkin tried to quersh us, but instead he only attracted the attention of the head priest--talk about ruining the element of surprise!"

Reeltoo. Any improvised device used to wind rope or cord.

Swedow. An acronym for Stuff WE DOn't Want. Any goods deemed of little value or not worth the effort of hauling to the surface, even in massive quantities. Ex.: "Sure, there were six whole pantries full of tinned iron rations near their expiry dates. But you and I both know that's all just swedow."

Terk. To slam one's head into a low ceiling by standing up too quickly, i.e.: "I terked myself good in that exit tunnel from Trotman's Crypt."

EDIT on 2013-11-13: Finished it this morning!

Ulander. Any native underground denizen; i.e. "We ran into a motley pack of ulanders on our way out--a couple of bugbears, a goblin or two, and, believe it or not, a stair stalker. His name was Frank. Nice fellow, actually."

Vlark's End. Any crippling injury suffered by a dwarf while exploring an underground passage. Named after a drunken dwarf who wandered away from his party, fell down a crevasse, and bled out after breaking his ankle. Ex. "Stiggurd here almost met Vlark's end in that rockslide back there!"

Wank Cheese. Any non-poisonous, non-edible, non-animated lichen, ochre, jelly, or fungus growing in a dungeon. Ex. "Don't worry about that spongy shelf--it's just a bit of wank cheese."

Xvart's Kneecaps
. Small blue gemstones of little value mainly used for ornamental decoration: "Don't bother with those xvart's kneecaps--go for that ruby eye up there!"

Yngwie. Loud music lacking a visible source which appears to emanate from rock formations, usually in proximity to large patches of erf. Music is usually of rhythmic drumming accompanied by screeching, cultish chants. Often occurs in areas where there is no known cult activity. Explained by gnomes as a natural geological phenomena involving certain stone density and proximity to underground rivers. Ex.: "After you get through the earwasher, you should hit a room were the yngwie is loud as hell. Don't worry, though--that means you're getting close!"

Zelda's Purse. Derogatory term for a goblinoid prostitute, esp. one who services human clients.


garrisonjames said…
I can never read your blog while drinking a hot beverage ever again. My nose hurts, but I'm still laughing. This is brilliant. Simply brilliant.
Matthew Schmeer said…
@Garrisonjames: Thanks!
Greg Gorgonmilk said…
There's no denying it, Jintle. We saw you buggbugger that Zelda's purse on level four. One can only imagine the variety of crotch-caps she was sporting on her notch.