Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Underworld Lore: Contributions to the D12 Brands of Root Beer, Potions and Booze Found in the Underworld Vending Machine

Greg asked again. It's gone beyond the initial d12 table to become a d20 table as of this writing. Who knows? Maybe it'll be a d30 table soon. Here's my initial list. Leave your additions at the link above.


1. CHERRY FEYGO. Made with real virgin fey teardrops! Grants 1d12 bonus to all CON checks for 1 day.

2. GRAPEWINE FEYGO. Made with 100% organic grape leaves fermented in recycled fey urine. Provides +2 to attacks with clubs and maces.

3. ORANGE PHANTOM. Pure, refreshing, bottled phantom blood mixed with the juice of unripened bleeding doughfruit. Save vs. Poison or suffer 1d4 days of the runs; afterwards, skin is suffused with unnatural glow visible by creatures with infra vision for 1d4 days.

4. RUSTY NAIL HOPTOIT PLUS PIPEWEED EXTRACT. All natural fortified root beer flavored with a hint of vanilla and extra virgin pipeweed extract. Provides all the nutrition of iron rations but makes you hungry for more all the same. Provides double overnight HP recovery per bottle.

5. SERGEANT VERNER'S SPICED GINGER HONEY MEAD. Made with gnomish ginger for an extra kick. Causes 1d4 hours of highly flammable flatulence, but also cures gout and bursitis and is said to dissolve corns and calluses when topically applied. Dwarves are highly allergic to this drink, as ginger makes them break out in hives.

6. DR. GRANDMA'S CRAMPACOLA. Highly sought after for its purgative powers. Made with a blend of 16 secret ingredients plus oregano extract. Causes vomiting within 1d4 minutes of imbibing. Anyone consuming the vomit gains +3 to STR for 1d6 hours.

7. LICHORISH FIZZ. A bubbly, fruit-punch flavored, blood-ochre gel sold in double-sacked sausage skins. Rumored to contain real lich droppings. Grants ability to speak to undead for 1d6 hours. Also cures dandruff if used as a shampoo.

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19. MOONDROP CITRUS BURST. Only sold in half-pint bottles, MCB boasts a sliver of silver in every bottle to help protect against lycanthropy. Refreshing lemon-lime-grapefruit taste provides instant energy in the form of a +2 to STR for 1d6 hours.

20. MYKLIN'S NON-ALCOHOLIC POMEGRANATE CIDER. This is the unfermented version of the world-famous Myklin's Hard Pomegranate Cider The cheapest version of the cheapest brew in all the land, it's been said MNAPC is nastier than drinking the slop from a hellspawn's latrine. A pint bottle costs a half-copper. Since it’s so cheap, folks keep drinking it, even though it packs a wallop: –2 to STR for 1d4 days per bottle. Also makes an excellent degreaser.

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EDIT: I came up with a few more after some other contributors posted, just so that it rounded up to a d30 table as of this edit.

24. DIET LEMON. Half of a rotten lemon floating in a stoppered beaker of spring water. No special powers.

25. BUGBEAR JUICE. Freshly squeezed bugbear venom mixed with two spoonfuls of salt in every bottle. Grants +3 to Saves vs. Poison for 1d6 days.

26. CRUSTY OWLBEAR. Favored by wizards everywhere, Crusty Owlbear brings the delicious flavors of arsenic, lace, and dandelion wine in a non-alcoholic concoction. Provides +2 against flame attacks and grants the drinker a personal one foot sphere of silence for 1d4 hours.

27. MOM'S OWN® CHICKEN BROTH. Just like mother used to make, only fresher! Made with 100% real crypt cockerel and seasoned with a special blend of vipervine extract and extra-virgin chokecherry juice. Grants +3 to CON and +1 to DEX for 1d6 days.

28. GINGER DJINN. Someone at the vending supply company mixed up! One totally smoking hot red-headed 2,000 year old female genie will materialize in a roil of smoke when the bottle is opened, passionately kiss the bottle opener, and grant up to five minor limited wishes. There is an 80% chance the genie falls in love with the bottle opener and will follow them around attempting to solve their problems in ways that create madcap hijinx.

29. AZURE DJINN. Someone at the vending supply company's quality control division really screwed up! One totally buff studly beefcake of a 2,000 year old male genie will materializes in a roil of smoke when the bottle is opened, passionately kiss the bottle opener, and demand the opener marry him immediately. If the opener refuses, there is an 80% chance the genie will turn the PC into a genie and stuff him or her into the bottle, restock the bottle in the vending machine, and dematerialize to another plane.

30. EMPTY BOTTLE. Someone should really lodge a complaint with the vending supply company.