Saturday, November 2, 2013

Even More Classifieds 2

WANTED: Experienced pack mule in good condition. Must have less than 5,000 leagues ahoof and a white patch on left haunch. Willing to pay decent amount for the right one. NO JENNYS. See Reeda at the Talon & Onion in Walthamthorp.

UNLEASH YOUR HIDDEN POWERS! Become a mental superman overnight! Free scroll! Windorf, 27 Market Wayside, Hawkthorp.

OUTHOUSES CLEANSED AND DEODORIZED. Why dig new when you can refresh for less? Just mix our dry powder with water and pour into shit-hole. Safe, non-poisonous formulae dissolves normal waste in just hours! Griswold the Minor Laboratories, Wizard Tower 1 -1/2b, Hawkthorp.

NOVICE CULTIST WANTED. Did you just join a cult? A curious seeker has questions. Come convince me your god should be my god. Ask for Reeda at the Talon & Onion in Walthamthorp.

EARN BIG MONEY! Learn to weave invisible threads in the comfort of your own home! Contact Wanted Weavers, Castle Tower 2, Taverntoss.

CAN YOU EARN 50sp a week writing classifieds? Enclose 1sp for free scroll! Windorf 27, Market Wayside, Hawkthorp.

RIGHTWAY CARTOGRAPHERS WANTS YOU to hire us for your next expedition! We are expert mappers who won't slow your party down whether you delve beneath the sands or beneath the surf! Never get lost in a hedge maze again! You'll be amazed at our 85% accuracy rate while sketching on the run! Come see us before you leave for your next adventure. Reasonable and negotiable daily rates. Rightway Cartographers, Bedlam Lane, Walthamthorp.

NOGBLOOD'S GOBLIN SCRUBBERS. We'll clean your dirty bugger, no questions asked. 42 Grifter Square, Taverntoss.

WE'LL GROOM YOUR ASS FOR FREE. Applethumb's Tack & Feed will groom your pack mule for free when you stable two horses with us for at least two nights. Reasonable daily rates. We can also re-shod your horse while you wait. Haymarket Circle, Taverntoss, across the way from Ratcatcher's Smithy.

WANTED: Fighter with scary-fast sword skills. Come see Reeda at the Talon & Onion in Walthamthorp. Women need not apply unless willing to shave head.

SELL MIRACLE NOWOOLON! Looks, feels, like wool, wears four times longer and outwears linen 7 to 1. Acid-proof, fire-proof, and quick-dries in twenty minutes after a good river dousing. Amazing profits can be yours! Contact Wanted Weavers, Castle Tower 2, Taverntoss.

ATTENTION SHIELD-MAIDENS! Your shield may be sub-par! Let Lance Corporal Leechy Snickel (ret.) test your defenses! Trained by Baron Walthamthorp's royal armorer in the fine art of shield craft, Leechy is renown throughout the realms for servicing shield-maiden's particular needs. As Leechy always says, "A shield that thrusts is a shield that busts." Come on by Leechy Snickel's today for a free shield adjustment. Never let your guard go down! 16 Armor Circlet, Hawkthorp.

LIVE BABY INDIGO WORMS! You can hold a hundred in the palm of your hand! Feel the tickle and watch them squirm! Amaze your friends and gross out your parents! Send 5sp to Windorf 27, Market Wayside, Hawkthorp.

MAS. edoc terces rou ekorb sutciR. adeeR ffo ti llaC adeeR.

GOT A TOWER FULL OF JUNK? A dungeon full of funk? Call DIAMOND MORT, THE CLEANING WIZARD! Mort will clean your home or hovel until it sparkles and smells like new. Fully trained and supervised cleaning goblins on call at all hours. 19 Grifter Square, Taverntoss. Note: Diamond Mike is NOT a real wizard.

WESLEY'S MINTY PURGATIVE: a discrete solution to all embarrassing bowel problems. Available at most respectable apothecaries in the realm. Ask for it by name. But whisper.

WANTED: Half-orc to lift heavy stuff and kill scary things. If you can read and are not afraid of taking a few risks on a dangerous journey, come talk to Reeda at the Talon & Onion in Walthamthorp.

NOTICE: SOAP CARVERS LOCAL GUILD 2112 of Walthamthorp now offers FREE soap carving classes for all interested parties! Come join the profession that has unlimited growth potential! Must provide own carving tools; a limited number of basic carving kits are available for 10gp purchase. Classes start this Marketday!