More Classifieds for Gorgonmilk

SUPER REPLICAS! Non-magical magical weapon reproductions, Gag-bags of Holding, Glass Jewelry, Boots and Capes of Elviskind, inaccurate hourglasses of all shapes and sizes! Make your buddies laugh and cry at the most inopportune moments! Unbelievable pricing! Narwick Reproductions, Slant's Way, Brookshire.

TRY THE NEW ALL ALE DIET! St. Armitage used this diet to lose 5 stone a week! Amazing results with little effort! You won't believe your eyes! Come talk to Talia at the Slatternly Mermaid, back left booth on even days only.

LOST: Angry dwarf. Usually drunk. Regular dwarf height, greyish-brown beard, beady eyes. Has no clan name, but will respond to "Vlaaran" or "Vlark". Last seen in Dolmvay. If found or sighted, please report to Filchard Fallagen at Guard House 2, Walthamthorp.

WHERE OH WHERE HAS MY LITTLE DOG GONE? Will pay top coin for return of my little poochie-woochie. Wolfhound/hellhound mixed breed answers to the name "Norris"--but not always. Beware his nip! If found, return to Reginald Falkenberry, Hawkthorp.

MIRACLES PERFORMED WHILE YOU WAIT! Tent 16, Fairground Circle. Ask for Sister Aleenea of the White Crescent.

RESURRECTION SPECIAL! Half-price resurrections now through Wintertide. Brother Olaf of the Clenched Fist will raise your fallen friend, no strings attached, now through Wintertide for half the normal donation. Harmstone Gaol, cell 8.

SPELLBOOKS, SCROLLS, GLYPHS, WARDS, TATTOOS. Visit Blivner's Magical Scrivener Shoppe for all your magical inks! From Black Dragon Essence to Domquil's Purple Folly, we stock over 700 essential pigments, dyes, and infusions for your written incantations. Bring this notice for a free sample of Doctor Stürck's Iron Golem Black! Market Way, Taverntoss, three doors down from the Spurned Wife Inn.

LOVELORN? Want to find easy local wenches for FREE? Come to Stall 69, Marketsquare. Ask for Alice. She can get you anything you want!

GOBLINS FOR HIRE! I've got 100 housebroken goblins ready and willing to do your bidding. 1 cp per day plus daily rations. Windsnap Belvert Hireling Services, Courtside Square, Hawkthorp.

WANTED: 300gp reward for information leading to the capture or corpse of Grum Walsk, tokeweed merchant, Taverntoss. See Captain Grumm of the Keep Guard, Walthamthorp, to claim the reward.

WHAT DOES YOUR FUTURE HOLD? Madame Sczyzyky knows! Palms, tea leaves, tarot, and crystal balls — you choose the method of scrying and she'll do the future spying! 3sp per reading; prophecies guaranteed to come to pass within one year or your coinage back!

WILL PAY TOP PRICE FOR RARE DUNGEON FRUITS! Dolwich Apothecary, Dorswitchshire.

BEWARE THE POX OF GLIBSUTH! Avoid the running trots and stinkfoot that accompany this dreaded malady by drinking two bottles of PROFESSOR CREAM'S ANTI-POX SOLUTION twice a day for three days. Only 10sp wherever top-shelf medicinals are sold.

KEEP YOUR PLATE IN TIP-TOP SHAPE! Grinder's Metal Polishing & Repair services all styles of full plate armor. We're the only shop in town with a friar and a mage on call to help with all cursed or magically-enhanced armor needs! Official Metal Polishers of Baron Walthamthorp's Guard. Come see Barney at Inner Keep Circle, Walthamthorp, today!


Porky said…
So many useful prompts in these. It's a good regular feature for a zine too.
mwschmeer said…
@Porky: Thanks! I enjoy writing these. Lots of inspiration from old issues of the Farmer's Almanac and craigslist.
Tim Shorts said…
Love the resurrection special. All are great!
mwschmeer said…
@ Tim: Glad you like 'em! Do you want me to fire some up for The Manor? Give me a theme and a few place names in your campaign and I'll see what I can do.