Friday, October 25, 2013

Even More Classifieds for Gorgonmilk

FREE RATS! Domesticated pet rats. Available in many colors, mostly brown with black markings; I have a few white ones, too! Atrium bred and raised, 10 weeks old. Trainable and easy to handle. Guaranteed non-were. Come see Pete "Knuckles" Pfieffer at the Wizard's Tower.

UROBORIALIS GUIDE US IN OUR TIME OF NEED. Provider of wisdom and understanding, open our minds to see the mysteries and obtain for us the grace of the Greater Gods.

LOST PACK MULE. Medium-sized gray mule with trimmed mane and tail. Last seen near Borderkeep Caverns. If found, please contact Brother Agnon of the Order of the Clenched Fist, Taverntoss.

BEAT THE LICH AND WIN FREE DRINKS! Come on down to the Toasty Harlot this Middlesday for another round of "Drink Down Danny!" By popular demand, Danny the Lich, undead bard of wide renown, will be on hand to inspire and disgust all comers. If you don't vomit during his rendition of "The Scourge of Al'mhet Ra" then you win FREE DRINKS for the rest of the night!

FOUND: Three-legged milk stool. Slight fire damage and smells like soot. Carved initials on underside: CPGBMM. Come see Luft at Goatshire's blacksmith shop to get it back.

A PRAYER TO YOUR GOD OF LIGHT. Pray these words to your God of Light and soon you will receive blessings in abundance: Grant O Gracious One upon me knowledge to understand You, sense to see Your wisdom in all things, reason to discern Your hand turning the works of the world, and a spirit to know You in all things.

IS YOUR SHOP READY FOR HARVESTMOON and cooler days? There is still time to fix leaky cellars, loose shingles, unhinged doors, unglassed windows, and unpatched walls. Make HANDY HARKEN the only man you trust to get the job done. You won't find better work anywhere in the three shires! I personally oversee all work and hire only the best journeymen in the trades. Homeowners, mention this ad and get a free re-thatching estimate. HANDY HARKEN REPAIR SERVICES, Walthamthorp. Guild-certified.

IS GRANDMA UTTERING NONSENSE AGAIN? Is Da's arrow-induced knee injuries hurting so much that he can't get out of bed? Contact Helga's Homesitter Service! We provide personal assistance, companionship, nursing aid, and the occasional slap upside the head to those in need. Helga's Homesitters, Taverntoss.

PILGRIMAGE to St. Unrik's birthplace in the Cerisian Empire leaves in a fortnight from Taverntoss. Cost: 400gp. Cost does not include meals. Must provide your own mount. Contact Father Ernie Andbert, Order of the Open Hand, Traverntoss.

BURIAL PLOTS FOR SALE. Exclusive rights for two burial crypts at Culledfist Cemetery at the Church of the Order of the Clenched Fist, Walthamthorp. These crypts are located in the mausoleum, corridor St. Flon of Wea, tier G, crypts 137 & 138. Today’s selling price at this level would be 9,000gp. We are offering this space for 6,000gp (or best offer). Contact Father Ambrose, Order of the Clenched Fist, Walthamthorp.

VACATION IN STYLE. Mountain cabin in Northern Kirlangen. Fully furnished; sleeps 6. 3 rooms, each with 2 windows, stout firepot, and stone chimney. Small outbuilding less than 20 steps out back door. View of Ice Faery Realm from front door. Close to many points of interest and activities. Must provide own firewood. 6gp/night. Contact Thule Yongaw, Hawkthorp.

A PRAYER TO YOUR DARK GOD: Deceive me, O Dark One; Let me not know Your machinations, but only use me as You desire to accomplish Your will. Let me be clay in Your hands: useless until formed and hardened in the fires of Your wrath.

WANTED: LIVE MARLAFIX. Will pay top dollar. Gunther Taxidermy, Walthamthorp.


Konsumterra said...

Living Bodies Wanted: Someone you know lost soul but body still working? Perhaps your having trouble feeding someone in a coma? Sell them to us. Good prices give, the younger the better. No questions asked. Dannys Apothacary and house of miracles.

mwschmeer said...

@Konsumterra: Nice!