Thursday, June 13, 2013

d12 Table: What's Tattooed on the Dead Orc?

d12 Table: What's Tattooed on the Dead Orc?
  1. Recipe for delicious fungus-based pale ale.
  2. Upside down & backwards map of mad wizard's lair.
  3. Portrait of one of the PCs as they appeared in their pre-teen youth.
  4. A curse written in orcish; when read aloud, it prevents the reader from successfully hitting any target with any weapon for 1d4 days (does not affect sentient weapons or spell-based attacks).
  5. Caricature of a frog idol and inner-lip tattoo of a six-winged housefly.
  6. Six half-orc names; five of the names are crossed out.
  7. Part of a map of a secret route through the current adventure location; a small notation written in magical hieroglyphics at the bottom of the map notes that other parts of the map are tattooed on a kobold, a gnoll, and a hobgoblin.
  8. Facial tattoo boldly declaring "I WIL FECK U UPP UR ARS."
  9. Hereditary tribal designs revealing orc is a bastard son of a bastard son of a bastard king and thus entitled to the full rites and ceremonial burial afforded to such minor nobility regardless of race or class; the PCs are duty-bound to follow the unwritten social contract or suffer the consequences (which are at the DM's discretion).
  10. The abbreviated rules of a rudimentary game resembling baseball, played with a severed halfling head and a club +1.
  11. Intricate flowery designs around both ankles indicating the orc is a member of the Cult of Audrum.
  12. A full-color, beautiful half-sleeve tattoo depicting the torture, death,  and torment in Hell of one of the party members.