Wälläkatüntün (minion of Verthish, Petty God of Single Pips, an aspect of the Jale God)
20th Level Magic User whose brain is housed in an Iron Golem
# Encountered: 1 (unique)
Movement: 60’ (20’)
Armor Class: 1
Hit Points (Hit Dice): 240 (54)
Attacks: 1 (punch or stomp) + spell attacks (casts as 20th level MU)
Damage: 5d12 (punch) or 10d10 (stomp)
Save: MU 20
Hoard Class: none
Thyrfyt Dyfkyt was a low-level apprentice in the Order of the Wizards of Illustrious Light when he stumbled across a crumbling parchment scroll in the academy's library that had sat untranslated for hundreds of years. Written in a knotted, ropey, thread-like pictographic language not even the most learned of scholars could transcribe, the scroll delighted and intrigued young Dyfkyt. He decided to make translating the scroll one of his life's endeavors, so he stole it from the library. It was not missed.
For his main studies in the school of magic he focused on inter-dimensional dice probability and alchemical mechanics, discovering several of the immutable laws of probability that exist to this day (rolled stone moss properties, handbirds being worth more than bushbirds, the foolishness of betting against gambling den owners, etc.). His findings gained much renown, so much so that he soon found himself in the favor of the Jale God. Dyfkyt convinced His Jaleness to manifest as Verthish, the Petty God of Single Pips, so they could secretly visit gambling dens together. Because of this, Dyfkyt became one of the godling's most trusted minions.
After decades of communicating with demons, gods, and godlings; crafting magical weapons for wealthy adventurers; and inventing potions of various effect, Dyfkyt retired to a hermit's life, taking up residence in an isolated cave that he expanded into a small collection of comfortably appointed rooms.
In his 79th year he finally cracked the mystery of the ancient scroll. The last remaining dwarf from a party of adventurers sold Dyfkyt a small fragment of an ancient manuscript unearthed from a lost city buried beneath the sands of a far-off land. From that fragment (which was nothing more than a nursery rhyme transcribed in three different languages), Dyfkyt discovered his scroll was written by visitors from another world. The scroll detailed the rituals needed to open a magic mirror portal to the alien homeworlds. He opened such a portal, stepped through, and was whisked away to Iukkoth where the Mi-Go reign on the edge of the pit where the dreaded Ksaksa-Kluth dwells.
Greeted by the Mi-Go as a human ambassador, Dyfkyt was imprinted with the name "Wälläkatüntün", which in Mi-Goian means "walker between worlds". While on Iukkoth, Wälläkatüntün eventually discovered the dread space magics of The Old Ones inscribed on the skins of T'choskoids in the living library of the Mi-Go beneath the warm black sea. He secretly committed as much knowledge to memory as he could and fled for home through another portal before his hosts could throw him into the Great Pit of Ksaka-Kluth to digest for a million eons. The Mi-Go consider this a high honor for human ambassadors.
Once back in his study, Wälläkatüntün scribed what alien magics he could remember to a spell book, which he then locked and warded and hid away (it has only recently been discovered by a number of heretical scholars).
Although he had assumed he had been gone but a number of days, Wälläkatüntün had been on Iukkoth for a thousand years. He quickly constructed a giant iron golem and, using the magics learned in his travels on the alien sands, transferred his brain into the golem so he could easily travel among the stars without suffering the usually necrotic effects of frequent portal travel. This enraged Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound, the petty god of magic mirror portals, as His Profoundness feeds on the flesh-bound souls of those who travel between worlds.
Protected by the Jale God for thousands of years, he travelled among the planes and between the planets searching the space ways for the location of Xoth where it is rumored The Old Ones dwell. Having learned the secrets of travel in time and space, he himself was nearly godlike in his ability to appear and disappear through conjured portals. Wälläkatüntün eventually went mad from all he had seen and learned about the invisible worlds between the worlds.
Wälläkatüntün met his final destruction at Ywehbobbobhewy's hands at the Battle of the Waters of Kirkadi at the end of the Flame Wars of Jubrini (which Wälläkatüntün had started in an attempt to reach Xoth). Wälläkatüntün nearly managed to send his life-force back to Iukkoth; all but a small slice of his soul made it through the portal before his destruction. That slice is now housed in the The Balanced Quarterstaff, which belongs to Verthish, who collected it from the battlefield centuries afterward.