Thwizeviblyz, Petty God of Baby Laughter

Another Aspect of the Jale God:

Name: Thwizeviblyz, Petty God of Baby Laughter
Symbol: A baby pulling a cat's tail
Alignment: Lawful
Movement: 60' (30')
Armor Class: -3
Hit Points (Hit Dice): 50 (9 HD + 11)
Attacks: 1
Damage: 2d8
Save: C12
Morale: 9
Hoard Class:  VII
XP: 5,600

The Jale God knows many forms. This of all his aspects is the least known. Yet here his influence is perhaps the most entrenched.

Every time a baby laughs, Thwizeviblyz (whose name is best pronounced by the untoothed mouths of children) is greatly pleased and grows in strength. As his power is tied to the health of the human and halfling populations (elven and dwarven babies do not laugh), his power waxes and wanes with the tides of famine, drought, war, and plague. In good times he is one of the most powerful of gods, in bad times one of the weakest. Yet Thwizeviblyz persists as long as the Jale God persists, overseeing the birth and death of civilizations over the ages.

The key to his longevity is that every child unconsciously worships Thwizeviblyz. Being born is a fate no mortal soul can avoid, and Thwizeviblyz knows there is nothing sweeter than innocent souls enjoying the moments before fate's fingers begin to twist their life's threads. Young children's unbidden laughter at life's minor absurdities mesh with his own view of the cosmos.

His presence goes unnoticed by those over three years old. But those under three know him as shadows upon walls, curtains fluttering in a windless room, and soothing voices emanating from beneath closed doors. He cannot be attacked in these forms. Thwizeviblyz brings the gift of teething everywhere he goes; the sharp pain in the mouth a reminder that life is pain and blood and fire in the mouth. Tonya, the Petty Goddess of Children's Teeth, is grateful for this service and owes her existence to him.

If a party carries children under three within their ranks, Thwizeviblyz might bestow a Blessing upon the party that gives a +3 to morale, +1 to STR, and +2 to CON. However, he has a particular hatred of mimes, clowns, jesters, and jokers, whose worthless mouth noises bring forth false laughter from children. If a party includes one of these lousy comedians, his Blessing will also cause their jokes and antics to have no effect on children of any age; in fact, children will instead flee from them in terror.

If a child should die through the party's fault while under the Blessing, the Blessing will immediately become a Curse and the party will suffer the bonuses as penalties instead. This curse can only be lifted by a cleric of 10th level or higher.

Thwizeviblyz will often manifest among adults in a tavern as a lice-ridden, besotted old man who sits near the hearth and speaks nothing but gibberish if approached. If he is treated well while in this guise, (plied with drinks, fed a food of the gods, etc.), there is a 3% chance he will grant a Limited Wish; if it is an unbidden child who treats him well, he will grant a Wish. He's used to being treated poorly or ignored and will go out of his way to blend into the crowd to avoid notice.

Thwizeviblyz is sometimes honored as a patron of pregnant warriors; any pregnant female fighter who invokes his name in battle gains a +2 for all melee attacks as her target breaks down in delirious laughter. It is rumored that this is the key to the Amazonian's prowess in battle.

His main weapon is a sputtering geyser of acidic spittle 5 feet wide and reaching up to 30 feet away. This is a targeted attack and does 2d8 burning damage. Uniane* has a devestating effect on Thwizeviblyz, causing him 4d6 damage and forcing his immediate teleportation off the material plane.

Reaction Table (2d6)

2 Friendly: Speaks happy, upbeat gibberish. Will bestow a Blessing.
3-4 Indifferent: Speaks long winded streams of consonants with no break; lots of spittle.
5-6 Enthusiastic: Gurgles and spits, nibbles fingers, picks nose, plays with snot. Will grant a boon if you can figure out how to ask.
7-8 Annoyed: Lots of urgent hand gestures and wet, blurbering blubbering, angry faces.
9-11 Unfriendly: Temper tantrum. Will throw things. Cries a lot.
12 Sleeping: Lots of thumb-sucking and wet slurping noises. Wake at own peril.

*uniane [oon-e-a-neigh. halfling concept]
Laughter comes is many forms: the snigger, the snort, the chortle, the choke, the titter, the giggle, the cackle, the choke, the snicker, the chuckle, the sputtering burst. But none is as pure and heart-heavy as uniane, the sound of an innocent child laughing at his reflection in a mirror and realizing for the first time he is laughing at himself and not, as he thought, at another child. The startling self-awareness begins the path away from childhood.


Koewn said…
Awesome. This whole series has been a hoot.

The Lord High Prophet of Thwizeviblyz:

(I'm assuming a dad making his kid laugh doesn't fall under being a jester :) )
Matthew Schmeer said…
@Koewn: Stat that minion up and submit it to Petty Gods!

And fathers who make their children laugh are not jesters!