Sunday, April 10, 2011

J is for . . .

Jug of Alchemy*
As I was traveling, going over White Plume Mountain,
I saw the Watch Captain and his gold, he was counting;
I first produced my short sword and then produced my dagger—
I said "Stand and deliver or Orcus he may take ya."

Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da,
Whack for my daddy-o,
Whack for my daddy-o,
There's alchemy in the jug-o!

I took all his money, and it was a pretty penny;
I took all his money, and I brought it home to Jenny.
She swore that she loved me, no, never would she leave me;
But Lloth take that harlot, for you know she tricked me easy.

Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da,
Whack for my daddy-o,
Whack for my daddy-o,
There's alchemy in the jug-o!

I went to the tavern, all for to take a tumbler—
I drank a pint and then ten more, for sure it was a wonder!
And while I was a'drinking, Jenny told her daughters
To send word to the Watch Captain to be ready for my slaughter.

Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da, ha, ya,
Whack for my daddy-o,
Whack for my daddy-o,
There's alchemy in the jug-o!

Being drunk and weary, I went to Jenny's chamber
Takin' my plunder with me, but I never knew the danger;
For about six or maybe seven, in walked the Watch Captain—
I jumped up, drew my dagger, and backstabbed for double damage!

Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da, ha, ya,
Whack for my daddy-o,
Whack for my daddy-o,
There's alchemy in the jug-o!

If anyone can save me, it's my brother in the army—
If anyone can find his party in Waterdeep or Undermountain.
And if he'll come and save me, we'll go roving over Glantri,
And I swear he'll treat me better than me darling harlot Jenny.

Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da, ha, ya,
Whack for my daddy-o,
Whack for my daddy-o,
There's alchemy in the jug-o!

Now some men like wild campaigning, and some like dungeon crawling;
Some men like to hear the sound of a trebuchet a-roarin';
But me, I like sleepin', 'specially in a fair maid's chamber—
But here I am in prison, here I am with a ball and chain, yeah . . .

Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da, ha, ya,
Whack for my daddy-o.
Whack for my daddy-o,
There's alchemy in the jug-o!



*with apologies to Thin Lizzy & Metallica