I created the following as separate entries for Gorgonmilk's Dungeon Funk community project. Since I wrote up four of them, they make a handy table all of their own!
The following is declared Open Game Content.
The d4 Table of Thieving Funkitude
Believe it or not, thievery has its downsides. Each time a thief successfully picks a pocket, there's a 10% chance the thief picked a victim with a contagious disease. Roll a d4 to determine what nasty contagion the thief has picked up.
1. Bite Tongue's Plague
Originally created by the ancient alchemist Bite Tongue to smite his enemies from afar, BTP is a fast-moving disease which infects the victim's mouth and throat. Those infected wtih BTP immediately find the inside of their cheeks, their tongues, their gums and their esophagus swelling with small white nodules that seem annoying and painless at first, but eventually burst and emit noxious fumes and fluids, causing much pain. This fluid itself is toxic, and is also the primary method of infection. While infected, the victum loses the ability to speak.
Those affected must Save vs. Disease, or become infected and remain mute for 1d8 days, and at the end of that time period, Save vs. Poison or suffer 1d10 points damage. All those within 10 feet of the victim when the nodules burst must Save vs. Disease or become infected.
Cure disease spells and potions have a 5% chance of curing the infestation. Otherwise, the only known cure for BTP is gargling this recipe recently discovered written in Bite Tongue's cramped handwriting in a tome stored under a leaky wine cask in the cellar of the Rutting Rooster Tavern in Eastern Opfalkam:
1 owlbear beak, ground to a fine powder
1 manticore claw, crushed
3 drams oil of mistletoe
2 drams oil of oregano
1 flask fortified wine
(Anyone can mix this curative--no special knowledge or skill check required.)
2. The Lucky Shits
This highly contagious intestinal germ causes the victim to have intense diarrhea for 1d4 days, ultimately resulting in the victim shitting a gold piece.
If immediately swallowed upon excretion, the gold piece will permanently increase the victim's DEX and CON by +5 each, but will also permanently lower the victim's INT and WIS by -5 each.
If the gold piece is not consumed within one round, it will disintegrate into a fine powder, and everyone in a three-foot radius must Save vs. Disease or be infected with the Lucky Shits themselves.
If the victim drinks an entire flask of vinegar before passing the gold piece, a normal copper piece will emerge instead, and the victim's CHR will be permanently raised by +1.
3. Balding Dandruff
This annoying disease starts out as a scaly rash on the scalp and brow which develops over 1d4 days. The rash itself is only an outward sign of the disease's manifestation, and the dandruff, while severe, is merely an irritant.
However, on the day of full infection, all of the victim's hair falls out.
All of it. Even eyelashes.
The infected must make a Save vs. Disease, or suffer a -3 to both CHR and CON until their hair regrows to at least a 6-inch length (normal human hair grows at 6 inches per year). Bearded dwarves suffer the penalties until their facial hair regrows to at least a 12-inch length. Halfling thieves suffer an additional -3 to DEX until their top foot hair regrows.
If victims are already devoid of body hair, then they just get a bad case of the itchies and suffer a -1 to DEX, CHR, and CON for 1d20 days.
The only cure for Balding Dandruff is to lather the scalp and brow with troll dung for 1d4 days. Those applying the cure suffer a -7 to CHR and CON for the duration of the cure, because troll dung is just gross.
4. Undead Head Lice (UHL).
These little beasties are the animated corpses of common head lice, created when common head lice infect zombies and other contagious undead. They are a common dungeon parasite, sucking the vital fluids of their hosts, but like other undead they cannot breed by normal means. UHL are only present in their adult form.
If UHL are present, the DM should roll 1d6 to determine the severity of infestation:
(1-2) minimal (10-25 UHL) -- hair loss and rash. -1 to CHAR or CON per length of infestation
(3-4) medium (26-50 UHL) -- hair loss, rash, minor skin decay. 1 hp damage per day if left unchecked
(5-6); massive (51+ UHL) -- undead contagion, save vs. disease. PCs making their save suffer at medium infestation level. PCs failing their save will contract Zombie Leprosy and die in 1d3 days, and will reanimate as Leper Zombies in 1d6 rounds thereafter.
If a PC is infested by the common head louse, then it should be assumed that the UHL turns that common infestation into a medium or massive infestation of UHL (the DM should adjust the above table roll accordingly). UHL cannot be turned by clerics, and normal Cure Disease spells do not work to cure undead contagion inflicted by UHL. The DM may wish to specify an alternative cure for this contagion.
A medium size infestation can only be cleared by shaving all body hair, burning said hair and all clothing worn by the PC, and full immersion of the PC in Holy Water or full body anointing by Holy Oils. Alternatively, a DM may wish to specify a cure, potion, spell, or ritual that will halt the infestation or cure the effects of undead contagion. Those slain by UHL-inflicted undead contagion will reanimate as Leper Zombies in 1d6 rounds.
Undead Head Lice:
AC 9 
Atk 1 (bite)
XP 1/25 Special: disease