May your backhair be shaved by an angry otter

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

1d30 Slightly Useless Spell Scrolls

1d30 Slightly Useless Spell Scrolls Found in the Archives of Wälläkatüntün

01. Break Wind: cures flatulence in 10ft radius.

02. Kitten Cuddle: summons 1d30 cute, cuddly kittens.

03. Wash Wizard: thoroughly cleans and deodorizes 1 wizard.

04. Undo Toe Stub: self-explanatory.

05. Wang Dang Doodle: allows caster to dance all night long without tiring.

06. Flim Flam: grants ability to convincingly lie with 100% undetectability, but only to people named "Flam".

07. Hoboken Chicken: summons 1 266-pound friendly chicken.

08. Capture Flag: captures 1 random flag.

09. Uncrease Cloth: removes creases from 1sq ft of non-magical cloth.

10. Cure Hiccups: self-explanatory.

11. Uncook Beans: self-explanatory.

12. Nit Pick: removes head lice from 1d4 humanoids in 10ft radius.

13. Hen Peck: allows caster to berate 1d4 humanoids in 10ft radius.

14. Double Bag of Holding: places all Bags of Holding within another non-magical bag.

15. Scramble Eggs: randomly reorganizes 1d20 eggs in a nest.

16. Summon Waiter: self-explanatory. Only works at three-star or better inns and taverns.

17. Clerical Error: forces 1d4 clerics within 10ft radius to mispronounce a word in their evening prayers.

18. Foshizzle: makes any caster with a lisp spit non-incendiary sparks when he speaks.

19. Hamper: conjures up a wicker clothes hamper that can hold 2 bushels worth of dirty clothes.

20. Revise: places any item taken out of a vise back into a vise.

21. Bladderize: makes 1d4 humanoids within a 10ft radius really, really, really need to pee.

22. Spell Check: engraves the word "CHECK" on any flat surface.

23. Hoppity Doodle: summons 1d30 rot-worm infested rabbits.

24. Nerf Herd: summons 1d30 herd of non-projectile bearing nerfs.

25. WTF: creates a 10ft radius logic-free zone emanating from caster.

26. Clear Conscience: grants caster a good feeling about himself for 1d4 hours.

27. Whoaboy: stops pack animals from moving for 1d6 minutes.

28. Flibbertigidget: summons 1 boy-crazy teenage girl surfer who immediately bursts into tears and runs away.

30. Screweit: magically impregnates up to 1d4 male sheep.


lars_alexander said...

These are awesome! Cuddly kittens :)

mwschmeer said...

@lars: Why yes, yes they are. Thank you!

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